Social Media Unpleasant Thoughts

[phormthevixdjinn]

Of course the loss of CoHost is something some of us, myself included, are still reeling from. It was a unique platform that honestly can't be replaced, no matter how much one tries to. That's something to be accepted, and I think I'm approaching that point slowly. I am, of course, grateful to have this place to host my fiction, at least.

But Cohost's demise paired with the spectacular failure of Twitter has driven people to BlueSky in droves. It's a palpable difference this time, compared to every other blunder that Twitter has made. I've never seen such a literal overnight migration.

On the one hand: good. Twitter delenda est. I have no love for the platform.

On the other hand: I am pulling my hair out screaming as so many people I know and care about, who valued what CoHost offered, are scurrying to BlueSky. The platform is toxic, and has all the issues that Twitter had before the buyout. It's a moderation hellscape, where literal Nazis are allowed to run roughshod over the timeline and users are just told to ignore them.

The platform has a literal slider for how much racism and hate you want to see!! Why not ban those accounts?? Why let them thrive??

Beyond that, the quote-post function and algorithmic behavior mean that it is, once again, a platform that thrives on monetizing rage and baiting engagement. BlueSky IS Twitter, just a few years behind.

I can't bring myself to use the platform. It makes me sad to see so many rush to it and praise it as a wonderful solution, for the reasons I describe above. But what hurts more is that by not participating, I functionally cease to exist to so many people.

I only ever existed to them when they saw my idiot posts float across their timeline. Now that I'm not on the platform of choice, it's as if I've evaporated into the aether. Even if I have alternative methods of communication established, I'm basically meaningless and left behind.

It's not a pleasant feeling, but it is a familiar one.

A reminder that all I have is me, and I'll never have anyone else.

Comments

[amphobet]

Yes, it's still difficult. Cohost remains on my homepage as one of my most-visited sites, and I imagine it will hang on to that spot for a while.

As far as Elon Musk's 𝕏, The Everything App®, are you referring to the AI kerfuffle? Frankly, I'm amazed they waited this long. I'm sure they wanted to do it sooner.

I tried looking into the racism slider on bluesky. From what I can tell, the actual function is to show or hide posts that *the author* has tagged with a content warning because they are discussing news related to hate groups, etc.

That said, as you've rightly pointed out, Bluesky clearly inherited the problems of twitter. So its not as if I'd recommend them.

I understand the frustration. It goes both ways, as well. I no longer exist to most people because I don't participate in mainstream social media, and in turn those people who do have a presence there are erased from my own life, for better or for worse.

If there is a silver lining, it's that my pivot to the "old-school" internet of personal websites and blogs has led me to enjoy and aspire to produce creative output that is more thoughtful than a typical tweet.

However, everything is a tradeoff. Sometimes you just want the digital equivalent of junkfood, even if its not as healthy for you. I'm not even sure cohost was exactly "good for you", but it made more of an effort than any of the mainstream options, which now feel less like junkfood and more like poison.

I'm sorry you're feeling abandoned. I know that pain. Unfortunately, people come and go, often with little concern for the people they leave behind. We can't control how other people behave or how they feel about us. That's the human condition. But you'll form new connections in time.

[phormthevixdjinn]

Yeah, it seems that a combination of the AI kerfuffle in combination with a drastic change in the way account blocking works made people run for the hills. And I don't blame them. I've never seen it quite like this, given the number of events have caused people to leave. Notably the artists are running off in drove. More to the point, it seems BlueSky is pulling numbers that artists are liking finally. So BlueSky is being pushed as the de-facto replacement.

You have a really good point, though. Maybe I should take this as an opportunity to look inward and slow down. I just struggle these days, because without social media I basically have nothing in the way of social interaction. That's not really an exaggeration. It does illustrate to me that maybe I need to examine how much I'm relying on the internet for social interaction.

Thank you for your kindness, and your understanding. You're right that people shift and move throughout the years, though. I suppose these, too, are growing pains.

[rebarabbit]

Yeah, I really didn't want to get a bluesky but I wanted to keep up with friends who were going there. Am hoping that when the website league gets out of pre-release a lot of friends will hop over there instead. So far the place has a very welcoming feel. A little bit kinky, a little bit shitposty, very casual with earnest conversations about things. Haven't even heard of anyone being booted from any nodes yet. If you want to take a look at some of the public nodes that are running in unfinished/pre-release form, here's a link: https://information.websiteleague.org/books/node-information/page/list-of-public-nodes

And no, you're not meaningless or non-existent. You're the reason I check dreamwidth every day, even when i don't have anything to post. I hate how social media works. That sites with more solid adoption become like an ever growing mass pulling users in with the gravitational pull generated by all of the other users on the site. The problem of, "well, a majority of my friends went here, so I guess I have to as well." which is bullshit. And then eventually when the gravitational pull becomes inescapable to those already there, it inevitably gets broken down into an even less and less usable and safe place. Ugh...

Anyway, luv ya pal hug

[phormthevixdjinn]

Yeah, I understand grabbing an account to keep up with friends. If I weren't so scared of where the platform is headed, I'd likely do the same. But I just can't bring myself to plunge into that kind of hellscape again.

Thank you for the website league link, though. I really do need to look deeper into that - It feels a little over my head, but I haven't just sat down and informed myself.

Thanks, Reba. I'm sorry if I sound miserably complain-y, but I super do appreciate you. I'm sorry I haven't been sharing more, and more happy, stuff lately. But thank you for being here and elsewhere, and for sharing all you do. <3 Luv ya right back.

[rebarabbit]

Yeah I definitely hear ya. And no problem. The league is basically its own mini federation like the fediverse, but isn't attached to that larger one. Lots of chosters who didn't want to go back to the type of pre-cohost social platforms (twitter, bluesky, etc) came together to work on it, and the major difference between it and the fediverse at large has to do with operating philosophy and governance. For new nodes to join the league they have to agree to remove functionality from the node that leads to dark patterns, like cohost did. No follower count or like counts and things like that. And there has to be no objections from those in the governance committee, currently called stewards, against the node joining. Just to ensure groups with ill intent don't come in and start trashing the place. There's functional differences being implemented over time to adopt some more cohost like behavior, like how replies will be displayed, but that feels like the less important part.

Lotsa people are feeling pretty miserable lately, nothing wrong with voicing it hug I haven't quite been miserable, but that might just be because I've been too busy and tired to not be thinking about current circumstances enough. I'm sorry I haven't been sharing more either. I've been meaning to pick your brain about the idea of super mundane genie "bottles" that I've been mulling over, because I'm a bit of a trashy sort and if I were a genie I figure the vessel I'd call home would be trashy/trash too XD

Thank you for being here as well <3

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>Of course the loss of CoHost is something some of us, myself included, are still reeling from.<<

That's sad. I'm doing what I can to help chosters settle om Dreamwidth, but you're right that each platform is unique and cannot truly be replaced.

>>I've never seen such a literal overnight migration.<<

I have, when Russia bought LiveJournal. Almost everyone left. I had too much material on that site to just leave, but my audience there plummeted. Fortunately a majority of them came to Dreamwidth.

>>On the other hand: I am pulling my hair out screaming as so many people I know and care about, who valued what CoHost offered, are scurrying to BlueSky. The platform is toxic, and has all the issues that Twitter had before the buyout. It's a moderation hellscape, where literal Nazis are allowed to run roughshod over the timeline and users are just told to ignore them.<<

My sympathies.

That's typical of society today, which is raddled with problems that people are told to ignore. Or they ignore things because paying attention hurts too much and they have no way of fixing anything.

>>The platform has a literal slider for how much racism and hate you want to see!! Why not ban those accounts?? Why let them thrive??<<

Probably money. Outrage sells, and most people care more about money than mental health, safety, or society.

>>I can't bring myself to use the platform. It makes me sad to see so many rush to it and praise it as a wonderful solution, for the reasons I describe above. But what hurts more is that by not participating, I functionally cease to exist to so many people.<<

Yeah, I know that feel. Most of the facetime events where I used to find like-minded people are no longer useful for that purpose because of how much the culture has changed. Online, user agreements have gotten so pervasively abusive that I've largely given up even looking at new venues. And I'm so tired of other people's bullshit that in a lot of ways, I'm pretty much boycotting society. There's just no payoff to most interactions anymore. Most of my friends are online because at least there, I can cast a wider net than just who happens to share proximate geography. It's not perfect, but it's a lot better than facetime only. I was 16 before I had actual friends my age, rather than just a few friendly acquaintances. The overlap is that small for me.

>> I only ever existed to them when they saw my idiot posts float across their timeline. Now that I'm not on the platform of choice, it's as if I've evaporated into the aether. Even if I have alternative methods of communication established, I'm basically meaningless and left behind.<<

You still have meaning and purpose, within your own life, even if you have fewer opportunities to interact with other people. But for extroverts and other people who see themselves primarily as reflected by others, those aspects may have little or no satisfaction.

As more of society shifts online, and as platforms becomes less stable over time, the problems caused by platform collapse breaking up friendgroups will get a lot more serious. People don't do well with having homes and relationships ripped away, and after a few rounds of that, they tend to quit trying to form new ones because the energy investment just doesn't pay off anymore. And nobody is really accounting for this in the process of chasing quick cash.

Conversely, I'm an introvert and social teflon, so other people are much less motivating or fulfilling to me in most ways. *ponder* I am literally more flattered by wildlife finding my yard pleasing, especially something far-out like bald eagles doing a courting dance above it this spring.

>> A reminder that all I have is me, and I'll never have anyone else.<<

It's good to like yourself, develop skills, and have confidence in who you are.

No one is an island, though -- neither humans nor civilization are really designed for anyone to stand alone. This frustrates me. The most you can do is try to form some connections and hope they don't all break at the same time. But if the overlap between you and other people is small, as it is for me, this can prove difficult or impossible. There just aren't that many compatible people who could become mutual friends for me.

On the bright side, I've found a lot of like-minded people among the Cohost refugees, so that's a win for me personally. But it makes me vicariously sad that the platform is going away, and that I only heard about it after it was closing.

One takeaway from this is that some Cohost refugees are blogging about what they loved most about the platform, what sucked; what they want to carry with them to other platforms; and what they would like to see in future iterations of social media to improve on previous efforts. Those are all good outcomes of Cohost, even if it wasn't perfect and is going away now. We learn from experience.

I support the Fujoshi Guide which empowers people to learn code so they can build their own platforms. I can't code, but if I help other people learn how, then maybe they'll build platforms I'll like. Some Cohost refugees are talking about how they want to learn code, or even are already studying it, in hopes of building better platforms in the future. So maybe something good will come out of that too.

Re: Thoughts

[phormthevixdjinn]

Oh goodness yes. I do recall the LJ exodus, for sure. I was here for that, and I was one of the ones running for the door. I still am sad for some of the stuff I left behind - And honestly, I've been chasing that kind of community for years ever since. That's a big part of why I'm here.

I think you're right, too, about outrage being a rather lucrative endeavor on most engagement-based social media platforms. It only makes sense, given the nonsense that's been amplified and enabled.

I'm right there with you when it comes to boycotting society. Sadly that more or less means that I'm pretty reliant on the internet to be able to meet my social needs, and that's becoming more and more challenging as the days go on.

Anyhow. I apologize. My response, and the initial post itself, are pretty morose and very solipsistic to begin with. I very much appreciate your insight, and your kindness in commenting. I resonate a lot with what you say, particularly the difficulties in maintaining meaningful connections with people - whether that be due to the fragility of our platforms, or from the difficulty in finding compatible friends overall with significant connections.

The silver lining of people actively examining the successes and failures of Cohost is a materially good one. We certainly can't get the platform back, but hopefully the lessons learned there help forge a better future - either for existing platforms, or anything new.

Thank you again. And here's to hoping for a better future.

Re: Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>And honestly, I've been chasing that kind of community for years ever since. That's a big part of why I'm here.<<

Me too.

>>I think you're right, too, about outrage being a rather lucrative endeavor on most engagement-based social media platforms. It only makes sense, given the nonsense that's been amplified and enabled.<<

Yeah. It's not just social networking platforms, although they're among the worst. Print and TV news have a similar problem.

>>I'm right there with you when it comes to boycotting society. Sadly that more or less means that I'm pretty reliant on the internet to be able to meet my social needs, and that's becoming more and more challenging as the days go on.<<

Online has its problems, but at least it has mass in its favor. With a larger pool of people, I have a better chance of connecting with some.

>>My response, and the initial post itself, are pretty morose and very solipsistic to begin with.<<

Hey, it's your blog, you can do what you want with it. If you need to scream into the void, go write ahead.

>> I very much appreciate your insight, and your kindness in commenting.<<

*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service.

>>The silver lining of people actively examining the successes and failures of Cohost is a materially good one. We certainly can't get the platform back, but hopefully the lessons learned there help forge a better future - either for existing platforms, or anything new.<<

I hope that does carry forward to new platforms. I really like the descriptions of Cohost from people who were there.

[duskpeterson]

I went off social media and networking this year, for six months (except at my own journal). It was a powerful lesson to me on what I need and don't need from the Internet.

What I realized is that, if I want to keep in touch with someone, I can email, phone, snail-mail, and/or meet with them face-to-face. I don't have to depend solely on social networks for my socializing.

(This seems blindingly obvious in retrospect. Boy, have social media sites brainwashed us into thinking they're an utter necessity for socializing.)

Emailing opens up the possibility of staying friends with someone who might not be in a position where they could reveal their offline identity, or who might be more comfortable writing than talking by phone. If I were a texter, that would be on my list too; ditto any other means of one-to-one communication.

But social networks? They're where I get to know likeminded folks whom I might want to get to know privately. Social networking online can be a wonderful thing in itself; it replicates the offline experience of community gatherings, such as clubs. But to me, this is a different thing from a private conversation with a friend.

Which is a long-winded way of saying: If I consider it worthwhile to keep in touch with someone outside a social network (regardless as to whether we remain in the same network), I will now email/DM them (or hope they email/DM me if I'm shy about approaching them, which I often am) and establish a private channel of communication with them. That's a far better way to stay in touch with someone, I've found, than reading their posts that are crafted for the general public, or even for a small group of friends.

As far as public gathering space is concerned, I settled this fall on Dreamwidth as my only remaining social network. This is a wonderful place for in-depth, civilized discussions, and Dreamwidth attracts terrific folks, some of whom I've known now for over two decades, via other social networks that have shut down. I'm looking forward to making more friends here.

[phormthevixdjinn]

You bring up a very good point. And perhaps my impatience and expectation of having a platform for immediate gratification is really something I ought to re-examine. Or at the very least, look very closely at, very carefully. Keeping in touch at a slower pace, and a more meaningful one at that, is likely preferable to the cacophony of modern social media. An email, or even a snail mail, may be slower and more measured, but it's also more significant and carries more meaning.

I'm certainly grateful to have met you here, as well as many others, already. I certainly hope I can continue to do so for some time to come.

Thanks much, friend. I appreciate your perspective, and your kindness.

[duskpeterson]

Thank you; I'm honored and delighted to have found you here.

What I said before was as much directed at me as at you; it's far too easy for me to neglect cultivating slower-paced relationships. That's one reason why I had to take a break from social media/networks for a while. I do continue to believe that, if one has a healthy relationship with social networks/media, those sites can be complementary to one-to-one communication (or to offline social gatherings, for that matter). It's just sad that so many folks today treat social media as the only way to socialize.