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phormthevixdjinnTerri frowned to herself as she shuffled through the tight closet. She had once again let time get away from her. The hamper was overflowing, her wardrobe was almost depleted.
It was laundry day.
The bunny sighed to herself as she leaned back out of the closet holding a few articles of clean, but dire, clothing.
“It’s... It’s only for a little while, I guess. Right?” She muttered as she looked into the full length mirror on the back of her door.
Despite being full, the hamper was well contained. In fact, Terri’s room was exceptionally clean. Her neatly made bed sat in the corner, overflowing with a gigantic, fluffy, pink comforter – and a mountain of soft plush animals. Despite the crowd of stuffed friends, each one was carefully positioned to ensure they were as comfortable as possible (and nearest their best friends).
Terri’s dresser sat nearby, complete with another mirror. The limited space atop the dresser was used as efficiently as she was able. Her neatly arranged makeup kit took up a good bit of real estate, but what really crowded the area were the numerous figurines she collected. An eclectic mixture of cartoon animals, magical girls, and classic American muscle car figures were arranged with care – though it was obviously a cramped display. Along the adjacent wall sat Terri’s desk, piled high with countless reference books, as well as her textbooks from graduate school. There, too, space seemed limited.
The room may have been small, but it was bright. Terri had painted the walls white, with a soft tinge of pink, so as to make the most of the sun that streamed in through the second-story window. The color scheme lent a cheery atmosphere to the cramped space – at least, the bits that weren’t covered with posters. Terri had a few from her favorite local bands – custom prints she made from their announcement posters. She also had a couple magical girl posters. They made her smile.
Terri sighed as she squeezed into the old, yet still functional, clothing she had unearthed from the depths of her closet. The jeans had been with her since a previous life, and they were tight in ways they previously never had been, while being loose in others. It had been a while, and while Terri was by no means heavier overall, she was more generous in certain places. The drab video game t-shirt slid on easy enough, despite getting stretched out considerably. Over the top of this, Terri wriggled into her old pull-over hoodie – the one that bore the name and logo of her previous graduate school.
As she picked up her large, round-rimmed glasses from the dresser and adjusted them on the bridge of her nose, she regarded the mirror. She wrinkled her brow, mortified at what she saw.
She looked... fine, honestly. Fine enough to run some errands. Fine to anyone else.
But to her... as she took in her reflection, she caught a glimpse backward through time. She was startled to see that rabbit staring back at her, even if for just a moment. She was crestfallen to see that school’s name on her chest. A combination of mounting dread and panicked loss bubbled up through her stomach, momentarily licking at the bottom of her heart. An instant of fermented anxiety.
She shook her head from side to side, then lightly slapped her own cheeks while tightly closing her eyes - as if preforming some ritual to cast off the specter of the past. When her eyes opened again what she found back in the mirror, was herself. Terri looked like herself again, the short, tall-eared rabbit girl with slightly bucked teeth and diminutive stature. The bunny let out a sigh of relief. She might not have been wearing the most flattering attire, but she looked...
... She looked like it was laundry day. It was fine.
“It’s fine,” she assured herself aloud.
Terri regarded her dresser, and her desk, with another sigh. Despite being relatively well organized, the clutter did get to her. The issue was space – And Transgressions didn’t have much of it. She was just delighted to have her own room. After all, they only had so many. And there were so many people who needed a place to call their own - So many people sharing bunks in crowded rooms just one floor above her. So, she was happy to have space to herself. But at the same time, Terri regretted that Kayte could barely fit in the room, let alone in her bed.
Terri softly opened the door to her room, stepped out into the hall, and closed it behind her without making a sound. She made her way down the corridor with careful, silent footsteps. She hated to disturb anyone, particularly given that most folks in the building were by and large night owls. Most everyone was bound to be asleep, which was why the early afternoon air was so still. Of course, that was also what made it fairly easy for Terri to hear the voices coming from behind the door to Vect’s office as she passed by.
“Look, we have to do something, Kayte. I can’t just sit on my ass for two more weeks.”
“You can and you will. You’re not the only person who works here, and we’re not the only group that exists locally.”
“What the fuck are we supposed to do? Every goddamned contact we have is ghosting us right now.”
Terri tentatively came to a halt before that sturdy, dark oak door. The original ‘private’ plaque remained affixed, but over the surface Vect had put up the bar’s logo - hastily printed at the print shop down the road. Someone had scrawled ‘Supreme Bitch’ across the bottom of the logo in red pen. Vect found that hilarious, and left the comment intact.
The mink had been in there for a few days at this point, healing from her rather grievous injuries. Given the extent of damage she’d suffered, Terri found it rather phenomenal how well Vect had recovered in such a short period of time. The mink really did heal at an incredible pace, for whatever reason.
The rabbit girl leaned in against the door, paw on the doorknob hesitantly.
“You called like one or two people. People who were likely busy. Stop exaggerating so much. Did you try to get the Yperites?” Kayte’s rumbling voice was obvious and familiar even through the closed door. It made Terri feel comfort just hearing that welcome tone massage her ears. “They’ve never done us wrong in the past, and owing them a favor tends to be more interesting than insufferable... or dangerous.”
“Ehhh,” Vect’s voice belied lingering tinges of pain, but the amount of casual irritation the mink weaved into her words was evidence enough of her recovery. “I’ve actually called them more than once. Every time I just get told that ‘The DAV is currently off-planet’. Which, knowing them, I *absolutely* believe. Whether they’re putting me on or they got their own shit to work through, we’re not getting any help there.”
“Well, what about... you know,” Kayte's hesitation was suddenly obvious. "What if we, uh, dropped in on Victoria?"
"Shhhhhiiiiiiiiitttttt,” Vect cursed and sighed, simultaneously. "I mean... Fuck, I consider it a last resort. You know how I feel abo-"
“What if I did it instead? I don’t mind, and that way you don’t have to deal with it.”
“Fuckin’...! It’s my responsibility, Kayte. And it'd still happen, right?" A heavy pause hung in the air, before the mink could tolerate it no longer. "Fuck... Just let me do something! I can’t just sit here while the bills pile up.”
Terri stood there motionless for a lingering moment, listening in on her girlfriends as they discussed the tumult of their shared home. She stood rigid and silent, hand gripping the knob of the door - Gripping it with surprising intensity.
She should go in, she told herself.
She knew she should turn the knob and step inside, let them know that she was going to run an errand. She knew she should ask how Vect was doing. She knew she should hug Kayte. She knew she should commiserate with them both about how to move forward, how to tackle their shared problems. She knew she should realize that this was her home, and that she was welcome to share it with those she loved.
The intensity in her grip melted. Terri very delicately released the doorknob and took a soft step backward, and then silently slipped down the stairs.
She didn't want to bother anyone.
The trip into Emeryville was brief.
Still, it gave Terri a bit of time to sort through her feelings. How many years had she been at Transgressions at this point? Eight, almost nine years? And in that time, despite all of the progress she had made, despite all of the growth she had gone through, somehow she still felt like she had stumbled into a space she had no business even seeing - let alone a space she was legitimately a part of.
Still an outsider amid everything.
At the very least, Terri was able to recognize a few positive changes in herself. For example, as she found her way inside the enormous warehouse store, she wasn't debilitated by the overwhelming bustle of numerous people around her! She wasn't paralyzed with anxiety being amid a throng of others, nor was she trying to flee for an exit. And she was doing it all by herself, too.
That was a start!
Terri positively hated crowds. In the past, she would shut down completely amid their inundating chaos. But after years at Transgressions, she must've gotten slightly numb to such an experience. At least that's what she told herself internally. Besides, something had to explain how she had managed to make it to the store, navigate the labyrinthine layout, and find the items she needed. She wanted to believe it was positive progress, and not just... numbness.
Eventually Terri found herself at a plastic, shining, sterile table. A table where she sat alone, idly scrolling her phone face-up, with a plate of steaming meatballs before her. And even here, she felt the din of noisy Sunday shoppers pressing in on her from all sides. Occasionally her tall ears would twitch, and she'd have to fight the urge to tug on them in anxiety. Nevertheless she kept herself under control. Even as the noise passed by and around her on all sides.
This was nothing compared to a Friday night on the club floor, Terri assured herself in an attempt to calm her own nerves.
Though... Kayte wasn't around to comfort her.
Still, she was doing her best. A little outing by herself every now and then was important! It helped her focus her thoughts, and gave her a moment of reflection even with the crowds. Plus, this errand was a good way for her to break from her routine. It gave her an excuse to get out of her room and finally pick up a bookshelf. As well as one of those stuffed sh-
"Oh, wow, ███Tech!" The words caught the rabbit girl complete off guard, sending her ears tall and her eyes wide. Someone was talking. Someone was talking to HER.
Her eyes snapped up immediately. There before her, stood an opossum dressed in the most hauntingly normative, business casual outfit she could imagine. Khaki pants and a light blue button down tucked in just a little too tight, the clothing matching perfectly with the too-well styled swirl in his midlife-crisis bangs. "That's my alma matar! Did your brother go there? I might've overlapped with him."
Terri remained frozen, pupils dilated as she felt her heartbeat revving out of control beneath the very sweater that had betrayed her. The ratty old sweater that proclaimed the name of the school she had used to attend. The grad school she had dropped out of because of...
"Whoa, sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. It's just that..." The opossum leaned in closer, squinting his eyes as he bent slightly over the table toward Terri.
"Bernard?!" Terri belted out the name without thinking. The shock was simply too overwhelming.
She regretted it immediately.
"Yeah! How d-" Bernard leaned back slowly as a look of surprise light up his face. An expression that then slowly melted from ear to ear, giving way to a face of realization, twisted with a hint of unhinged laughter. "Oh my god. Oh my GOD! Is that you? ████████, is that REALLY you?"
Terri swallowed so hard she thought the cashiers on the other side of the warehouse could hear it.
"Y-yeah... Hi Bernard, it's been a while."
While Terri slowly sank into herself, Bernard, for his part, became even more animated. His hands flew to his head as he held his temples, bug-eyed excitement mixed with his near-shouting exuberance. "Holy shit, ████████! I can't believe it's you. I mean... Wow! I can't believe you're alive! After all this time... We all thought... I mean I can't even begin to believe it!"
"O-oh, gosh, I'm... I'm sorry." Terri felt herself seizing up. Her anxiety was mounting incredibly. She felt so suddenly and phenomenally vulnerable in the blink of an eye. And on top of that, every instance of "████████" that left Bernard's lips, however understandable, made her wince in discomfort.
"I g-guess a lot has happened. B-but I'm still alive. Still... here."
"I haven't seen you since grad school, and that night you basically vanished without a trace!" Bernard slid onto the bench on the other side of the long, rectangular table. The whole assembly jostled as he imposed his weight upon it. Terri's down-turned gaze could see his sterile reflection in the polished plastic surface. "No one ever knew where you went! I mean, obviously the professor told us all you had a health issue, but no one knew if you were okay or if you were coming back or, or... Even Pho-"
"Oh!" Terri's panic began to multiply by the second. "W-well, I had no idea what anyone s-said, or anything. A-and..." She was freezing up.
"Look, I know it's been a while, but... I just have to know. What the hell happened to you, ████████"
"A-actually, it's Terri now," She spoke the words softly, more terrified than she had ever been. "And, well, it's a bit personal, I guess? Um. B-but it was a health issue. I couldn't... couldn't be in the lab anymore. One night it got, uh... bad. Really bad. So I, uh... took some time off, and then I moved up here."
Bernard regarded the rabbit girl as if he were staring at an oncoming train, "You just moved to the Bay Area, no kidding! How long have you been here?"
"About... nine years, I guess?" Terri began rubbing her own arm out of anxious reflex. She struggled to put forth a smile and maintain eye contact, "I'm... I'm actually living and working in Piedmont. Oh! Uh, wh-what have you been doing, yourself?"
"Oh wow, well..." Bernard slapped his hands to the table and leaned back. "I finished up, did a post doc over on the East Coast, then came out here to work for ParaCore. I've been there for about six years at this point, started doing research, and now I'm a director."
Terri tried her best to catch her breath. It had been a calculated move. Even if it had been a decade since they last spoke, she knew that Bernard couldn't help going on about himself.
"Of course," he extended, "the research always has been my passion. But lately we've had some products that have demanded I really dig into outsourcing and managing remote sites. It's so much different than what we did in grad school. I'm not gonna complain, though. The paychecks are cushy to say the least. The stocks are a cherry on that." The opossum did not hide how proud he was of this fact. "After years of paying our dues, though, it's nice, right?"
Terri felt herself recovering slowly. She told herself she could maybe endure this, just as long as Bernard didn't ask ab-
"So what've you been doing?"
Her ears stood aloft, rigid, as her heart thudded into overdrive.
"I... uh..." Her eyes drifted to the side, "I'm a waitress. I... I work at a nightclub that me and my friend r-run."
Suddenly, the din of the Sunday shoppers hushed in Terri's ears. Every single customer seemed to dim into a silhouette, their previous noise a dim murmur. Instead, Terri was alone with Bernard. And specifically, Bernard's judgment.
A split second of revulsion that extruded into an hour, on full display across Bernard's face, and then the world snapped back to its previous reality.
Bernard did his best to hide the twisted grimacing face, but his instinct had won over, and even that millisecond of expression was sufficient for Terri to understand his reaction.
"Oh, wow, ████████," He uttered quietly as his boisterous demeanor would allow. "You didn't stick with chemistry? I mean, you were on a real hot streak in the lab. You loved research!"
"Ah, I guess, it just wasn't working out for me?" Terri was rubbing her arm more visibly now. "It was... it was overwhelming. And when my health..."
He had to know, she told herself. Everyone knew. Back in grad school, even when the rumors were so much more petty, where they so much more mild, where they somehow circulated with alarming speed and accuracy. Long ago she had made peace with the fact that everyone probably knew she had dropped out because she ha-
"Sure, sure, of course, your health always comes first," Bernard's reassurances felt weightless and without substance. "But, wow. Being a waiter around here? That's... I mean..."
Bernard leaned forward with a sudden lurch, "Hey! You know, you could always go back, right? I mean, we're hiring at ParaCore. Specifically I'm hiring right now!"
Terri's eyes began to widen. She could practically feel her pupils dilating as a glacial stream hit her circulatory system, a frigid chill in her blood.
"Now, I mean obviously we couldn't hire you at the scientist level, seeing as you didn't finish. But, you got out with your master's right? We could absolutely get you into an associate position. That's got to pay better than being a waiter." Bernard practically spat the last word.
Terri's chest was tightening as she felt her breathing increase. She reached out across the table to grasp her fingers around her phone, and did so tightly.
"I can email you the application link. I think you'd be a shoe-in with your skills! Plus, we'd get to work together! Just... Well, you know. You'll probably want to make sure you look and dress a little more, uh... reasonably normal if yo-"
"I HAVE TO GO BYE IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU."
The rabbit girl bolted from her seat, tearing herself from the table in a shot, leaving the plate of still-steaming meatballs stranded as she practically ran into the crowd.
"Wh-Hey! ████████! Wait!!" Bernard called after her, "At least let's swap phone numbers!"
"SORRY I DON'T HAVE A PHONE!"
"Terri? You in here?" The massive wolf leaned her head through the door into the rabbit's room, but found only the gently flapping drapes fluttering in the evening breeze. The rest of the room was stillness and vacancy.
Kayte rubbed her chin thoughtfully as she stepped into the room. Terri's dresser looked immaculate - neatly organized and much more spacious. But then, where did her-
"Oh!" Kayte exclaimed softly, noticing the bookshelf that hadn't been there this morning. Meticulously arranged figurines were placed thoughtfully upon the shelves, Terri's mixture of dolls and other eclectic miniatures mingling among each other without care for theme or subject. On the bottom shelf, a blanket was draped over something rectangular.
Kayte couldn't help herself. A quick glance beneath the fabric revealed a stack of Terri's reference books, piled flat atop one another rather than with their spines arranged outward. Kayte grunted slightly in understanding.
She also noted that there was a new stuffed animal on Terri's bed.
But no Terri.
Kayte frowned to herself, before quietly closing the door to Terri's room and making her way through the hall to the kitchen. She passed through swiftly, noting the rabbit wasn't present, continuing up through to the third floor before arriving at the building's roof. She pushed the heavy, metallic door open - and immediately felt the chill of the November sky.
From atop the three story building, Kayte could see across the bay. She could see the shimmering water stretching toward the peninsula, see the sun melting gradually behind the hills in the west. The clouds above her, as well as the damp, cool bite to the wind, reminded her bluntly that it was autumn.
The wolf carefully ducked her head through the doorway as she emerged into the evening air, navigating between the ventilation units and assorted storage until she reached the clear, open surface of the roof. There was little beyond crates and boxes on the roof, but what was there was important to her. Of course there were the lawn chairs and the other various deck furniture that the Transgressions residents liked to use when they came out for a smoke, or to pass the late night hours. But there was also Kayte's space.
A small wooden enclosure, with depth enough to be filled with a good quantity of soil. Intermittent posts stood at regular intervals, coiled with the greenery of her still-growing tomato vines. Beside that, rows of sprouting carrots, a small few patches of lettuce, and the watermelon she had planted for kicks. A small makeshift roof had been forged from scrap metal siding and discarded planks, covering Kayte's garden as well as it could.
But no sign of Terri, even here.
As she hefted out a deep sigh from the bottom of her lungs, Kayte's ears stood on end. She heard a familiar sniffle, one she couldn't mistake. And it was coming from the edge of the building. There, over the edge, was the bunny girl. She was sitting on the fire escape, facing east. The view from the vantage point looked out over the street below - and further out toward the city, which stretched out into the distance beyond it.
"So here's where you've been hiding," Kayte tried her best to speak softly and gradually, so as to not frighten the rabbit. She lowered herself down onto the metal fire escape and slowly sat down beside Terri, both their legs danging over the edge.
Terri looked up toward the wolf from where she sat, quickly attempting to wipe away her tears amid another obvious sniffle. She let out a weary, yet obviously genuine, smile as she looked up into Kayte's eyes.
Kayte leaned down, and very gently placed a soft kiss of her lips on Terri's forehead.
"Haven't seen you all day, babe. I was starting to get a little worried."
Terri sniffled again, using the sleeve of her hoodie to dry her eyes as best she was able. "Y-Yeah," she softly stammered. "I kinda... kinda decided to run an errand into Emeryville today. Took a little longer than I expected."
Kayte reached around Terri with a massive arm, pulling the bunny close against her side as she smiled down with a nod.
"Good on you for doing that alone, sweetie. I saw the new bookshelf. It looks nice! Very neatly organized, and it gives you a bunch more room." The wolf tried her best to smile bright enough to clear the sky, "I saw your new friend, too."
Terri cast her gaze down toward the street below, letting out a tired chuckle as she flopped against Kayte's side, leaning into the wolf.
"I... I mean... It just sort of felt like I had to, you know? It's trite, maybe. I realize it's rather a fad, but... brings me a smile."
"Hey, you deserve those." Kayte squeezed her arms around Terri very carefully, very warmly, and very tenderly. She held her for a lingering moment, gazing out over the street at the yawning shadows below. "So, I take it your errand was, uh... a little difficult?"
"No. Well, I mean... Yes, b-but..." Terri heaved another drawn out sigh, "It was challenging. But not for the reasons it usually is. I-I think I handled the crowd just fine. I wasn't too overwhelmed. It's just..."
The rabbit paused for a long, winding moment. The soft sound of distant, murmuring pedestrians floated up to the fire escape from below, filling the silence.
"I..." Terri seemed to choke on the words as she spoke them, "I met the past while I was out there."
Kayte gave the rabbit a sidelong gaze, before punctuating it with a gentle squeeze. "Oh? How so?"
"I just..." Terri cast her gaze down, her ears seeming to sag low along with her face as she kept her arms wrapped around Kayte.
"I ran into someone from grad school."
Kayte's ears perked as her posture went subtly more rigid.
"It wasn't... he... I mean... It's not that he was mean to me. Or a bad person. Or anything like that. But... but..."
Terri shook her head very slowly, before raising back up and leaning against the wolf's soft, powerful chest.
"It was strange seeing someone from the old life, I guess. He seemed happy. He looked like he was right where he needed to be. He obviously has a very good job now. Lots of money. Probably doesn't worry about making rent. Or worry about anyone kicking in his door while he sleeps."
Terri drooped forward slightly with a weary chuckle, "Back then, we were all miserable, you know? I always... always thought that was just how it had to be. Getting into the lab at seven in the morning. Leaving the lab at midnight. Doing it six days a week. At a certain point it just felt like... misery for the sake of it. But here he was, years after I fled. He got out too, but I guess... I guess he got the reward I never could. It was real. It wasn't a fairy tale."
Kayte nodded her head slowly as she listened, rocking slowly with Terri firmly in her arms.
"Do you regret leaving when you did?"
Terri lifted her head for a moment. Even at this angle, Kayte could see the tears welling up in her eyes, and hear the barely suppressed emotion in her voice.
"No."
"Not for a single moment. I had to leave when I did. I wouldn't have survived another day as ████████. There was a kind of misery there that choked me, even beyond the crushing work. It was this... expectation. This osmotic, pervasive, all-encompassing expectation that defined who you were, whether you liked it or not. The measure of success wasn't some achievement in its own right, passing a milestone or making an advancements in your skill... It was the fulfillment of expected behavior, the realization of some flat, predefined caricature. It was becoming the person they assigned to you. The person they assumed you were from the start, or needed you to be."
Terri let out a sniffle as she slowly kicked her dangling feet back and forth beneath the edge of the fire escape while gazing out at the hills beyond the city.
"I ran into it again out there today - That expectation. The mere idea that I wasn't in chemistry anymore scandalized him. I could feel his contempt as I told him I was a waitress... You know he even said I should apply for a job at his company? Said he was hiring. Said I had the skills to make it happen... And yet, he just had to wedge in there that I'd probably have to be more 'normal'. You know, something akin to that. Another projection of expectation. Another condition to survival on the terms of being someone inoffensive to their sensibilities."
"He kept spitting my deadname at me, too. Not that I think it was malice or anything, just... Just expectation, right? That's how it had to be for him - That I was that person, stuck in time from over a decade ago. Because that was the me that was less offensive, and probably would make him feel less uncomfortable. To him, I had to be who he expected me to be."
"I imagine if I had mentioned I worked here, he might've tried calling the police or something."
"You play the game, you fit the mold, you work to make everyone beyond yourself happy, and you get the tools to thrive. Fit the narrative and you will be rewarded," she shook her head slowly. "But despite that reward, it leaves you hollow. What would there be there, for me, if I had gone that path? I don't think all the money in the world would've filled the hole in my heart."
"And yet... Even if you play to expectation your whole life, if you make them uncomfortable for even a moment? If you step outside those expectations even slightly? Suddenly you're marginalized out of existence. They never give quarter to someone like me. They get angry seeing me in the supermarket, even as a complete stranger. Five minutes crossing paths with them, even if that's the totality of my existence in their life, is enough to make them so, so upset. And why? Just the mere possibility that I'm out of the ordinary, I guess. Being against expectations, that's enough to reject me entirely. Being what I am..."
"..."
"After a few decades of playing by the rules and falling in line, after achieving so many of their measures of success, after having a future promised to me for my hard work... When I first changed, do you know what, out of everything different, it was that shocked me the most?"
"How conditional it all was. And how quickly it vanished when I stepped off the path."
The autumn wind whipped past with a crisp tongue, the stark November sky darkening by the moment as Terri huddled herself closer to Kayte.
"I liked studying chemistry. I really did. Dropping out is something I do regret, but only because I would've liked to have kept doing science. The environment and the people were toxic, and I know now that I was starving and harming my soul while I was there. I was living a lie. A lie more harmful to me in its perpetuation than any reward could justify. A lie that I couldn't break free of alone. Heck, it was one I couldn't even recognize on my own!" She looked up from where she was, leaning against Kayte, up into the wolf's eyes, "Meeting you and Vect, getting the chance to be myself... Even if I'm not exactly the perfect fit for the kind of girl who lives at Transgressions, well... It's still been the best thing that ever happened to me."
"I may not have a stock plan, or be a fancy manager. I might not have the degree I worked for five and a half years to earn. And here, well... I may not be the strongest member of our organization. Or a helpful one. Or even a worthy one. But, what I have here is something I've needed desperately. When I first got here I was dying inside, and I didn't know it. For all I've had to give up to be here, I wouldn't wish to change my decision. Never."
Kayte drew her arm around Terri, pulling the bunny near enough so that their hips snuggled against one another. The gigantic wolf held her close. Terri instantly felt both warm, and safe.
"Well, hell," Kayte noted, giving Terri the softest squeeze. "That's a lot to have on your mind. And I'm sorry that you had to deal with that asshole, whoever he was. Seriously, fuck him, yeah? I wish I could've been there, maybe put a little respect into him. And I'm sorry I wasn't around to support you when you needed it, sweetheart. But let me take at least one thing off your list of worries, yeah?"
The wolf softly curled her fingers around Terri's hand, gently squeezing as she looked down into her eyes.
"You belong here, and never doubt that for a second, okay? It's not about your contributions. It's not about your usefulness. It's that you deserve it. It's that we all love you, and we want you to be safe and happy. I'll say it again, you deserve to be safe and happy. And you deserve to be yourself. You deserve to share yourself - and I always love when you do. We're always going to be here to make sure you have a place to be you. Always know that in your heart. That's not conditional."
The rabbit leaned up from where she sat, wrapping her arms around Kaye more completely as she delicately brushed her lips to those of the wolf. The two shared a tender, soft kiss amid the crisp air for a long, wonderful moment.
"I love you, Kayte."
The gigantic wolf smiled softly, touching her forehead to Terri's as she kept the bunny close.
"And I love you, Terri. Proud of you."
The two stared off into the horizon together, quietly watching the shadows wrap themselves long across the town below as evening inched ever closer. The chilly air was shifting from crisp to a more toothsome bite, but Terri didn't mind. She was warm enough just where she was.
Suddenly, Terri's ears stood on end as a realization struck her brain.
"Oh!"
Kayte looked down to the bunny with concern, "Everything okay?"
Terri groaned inwardly.
"I forgot to do the laundry..."
It was laundry day.
The bunny sighed to herself as she leaned back out of the closet holding a few articles of clean, but dire, clothing.
“It’s... It’s only for a little while, I guess. Right?” She muttered as she looked into the full length mirror on the back of her door.
Despite being full, the hamper was well contained. In fact, Terri’s room was exceptionally clean. Her neatly made bed sat in the corner, overflowing with a gigantic, fluffy, pink comforter – and a mountain of soft plush animals. Despite the crowd of stuffed friends, each one was carefully positioned to ensure they were as comfortable as possible (and nearest their best friends).
Terri’s dresser sat nearby, complete with another mirror. The limited space atop the dresser was used as efficiently as she was able. Her neatly arranged makeup kit took up a good bit of real estate, but what really crowded the area were the numerous figurines she collected. An eclectic mixture of cartoon animals, magical girls, and classic American muscle car figures were arranged with care – though it was obviously a cramped display. Along the adjacent wall sat Terri’s desk, piled high with countless reference books, as well as her textbooks from graduate school. There, too, space seemed limited.
The room may have been small, but it was bright. Terri had painted the walls white, with a soft tinge of pink, so as to make the most of the sun that streamed in through the second-story window. The color scheme lent a cheery atmosphere to the cramped space – at least, the bits that weren’t covered with posters. Terri had a few from her favorite local bands – custom prints she made from their announcement posters. She also had a couple magical girl posters. They made her smile.
Terri sighed as she squeezed into the old, yet still functional, clothing she had unearthed from the depths of her closet. The jeans had been with her since a previous life, and they were tight in ways they previously never had been, while being loose in others. It had been a while, and while Terri was by no means heavier overall, she was more generous in certain places. The drab video game t-shirt slid on easy enough, despite getting stretched out considerably. Over the top of this, Terri wriggled into her old pull-over hoodie – the one that bore the name and logo of her previous graduate school.
As she picked up her large, round-rimmed glasses from the dresser and adjusted them on the bridge of her nose, she regarded the mirror. She wrinkled her brow, mortified at what she saw.
She looked... fine, honestly. Fine enough to run some errands. Fine to anyone else.
But to her... as she took in her reflection, she caught a glimpse backward through time. She was startled to see that rabbit staring back at her, even if for just a moment. She was crestfallen to see that school’s name on her chest. A combination of mounting dread and panicked loss bubbled up through her stomach, momentarily licking at the bottom of her heart. An instant of fermented anxiety.
She shook her head from side to side, then lightly slapped her own cheeks while tightly closing her eyes - as if preforming some ritual to cast off the specter of the past. When her eyes opened again what she found back in the mirror, was herself. Terri looked like herself again, the short, tall-eared rabbit girl with slightly bucked teeth and diminutive stature. The bunny let out a sigh of relief. She might not have been wearing the most flattering attire, but she looked...
... She looked like it was laundry day. It was fine.
“It’s fine,” she assured herself aloud.
Terri regarded her dresser, and her desk, with another sigh. Despite being relatively well organized, the clutter did get to her. The issue was space – And Transgressions didn’t have much of it. She was just delighted to have her own room. After all, they only had so many. And there were so many people who needed a place to call their own - So many people sharing bunks in crowded rooms just one floor above her. So, she was happy to have space to herself. But at the same time, Terri regretted that Kayte could barely fit in the room, let alone in her bed.
Terri softly opened the door to her room, stepped out into the hall, and closed it behind her without making a sound. She made her way down the corridor with careful, silent footsteps. She hated to disturb anyone, particularly given that most folks in the building were by and large night owls. Most everyone was bound to be asleep, which was why the early afternoon air was so still. Of course, that was also what made it fairly easy for Terri to hear the voices coming from behind the door to Vect’s office as she passed by.
“Look, we have to do something, Kayte. I can’t just sit on my ass for two more weeks.”
“You can and you will. You’re not the only person who works here, and we’re not the only group that exists locally.”
“What the fuck are we supposed to do? Every goddamned contact we have is ghosting us right now.”
Terri tentatively came to a halt before that sturdy, dark oak door. The original ‘private’ plaque remained affixed, but over the surface Vect had put up the bar’s logo - hastily printed at the print shop down the road. Someone had scrawled ‘Supreme Bitch’ across the bottom of the logo in red pen. Vect found that hilarious, and left the comment intact.
The mink had been in there for a few days at this point, healing from her rather grievous injuries. Given the extent of damage she’d suffered, Terri found it rather phenomenal how well Vect had recovered in such a short period of time. The mink really did heal at an incredible pace, for whatever reason.
The rabbit girl leaned in against the door, paw on the doorknob hesitantly.
“You called like one or two people. People who were likely busy. Stop exaggerating so much. Did you try to get the Yperites?” Kayte’s rumbling voice was obvious and familiar even through the closed door. It made Terri feel comfort just hearing that welcome tone massage her ears. “They’ve never done us wrong in the past, and owing them a favor tends to be more interesting than insufferable... or dangerous.”
“Ehhh,” Vect’s voice belied lingering tinges of pain, but the amount of casual irritation the mink weaved into her words was evidence enough of her recovery. “I’ve actually called them more than once. Every time I just get told that ‘The DAV is currently off-planet’. Which, knowing them, I *absolutely* believe. Whether they’re putting me on or they got their own shit to work through, we’re not getting any help there.”
“Well, what about... you know,” Kayte's hesitation was suddenly obvious. "What if we, uh, dropped in on Victoria?"
"Shhhhhiiiiiiiiitttttt,” Vect cursed and sighed, simultaneously. "I mean... Fuck, I consider it a last resort. You know how I feel abo-"
“What if I did it instead? I don’t mind, and that way you don’t have to deal with it.”
“Fuckin’...! It’s my responsibility, Kayte. And it'd still happen, right?" A heavy pause hung in the air, before the mink could tolerate it no longer. "Fuck... Just let me do something! I can’t just sit here while the bills pile up.”
Terri stood there motionless for a lingering moment, listening in on her girlfriends as they discussed the tumult of their shared home. She stood rigid and silent, hand gripping the knob of the door - Gripping it with surprising intensity.
She should go in, she told herself.
She knew she should turn the knob and step inside, let them know that she was going to run an errand. She knew she should ask how Vect was doing. She knew she should hug Kayte. She knew she should commiserate with them both about how to move forward, how to tackle their shared problems. She knew she should realize that this was her home, and that she was welcome to share it with those she loved.
The intensity in her grip melted. Terri very delicately released the doorknob and took a soft step backward, and then silently slipped down the stairs.
She didn't want to bother anyone.
The trip into Emeryville was brief.
Still, it gave Terri a bit of time to sort through her feelings. How many years had she been at Transgressions at this point? Eight, almost nine years? And in that time, despite all of the progress she had made, despite all of the growth she had gone through, somehow she still felt like she had stumbled into a space she had no business even seeing - let alone a space she was legitimately a part of.
Still an outsider amid everything.
At the very least, Terri was able to recognize a few positive changes in herself. For example, as she found her way inside the enormous warehouse store, she wasn't debilitated by the overwhelming bustle of numerous people around her! She wasn't paralyzed with anxiety being amid a throng of others, nor was she trying to flee for an exit. And she was doing it all by herself, too.
That was a start!
Terri positively hated crowds. In the past, she would shut down completely amid their inundating chaos. But after years at Transgressions, she must've gotten slightly numb to such an experience. At least that's what she told herself internally. Besides, something had to explain how she had managed to make it to the store, navigate the labyrinthine layout, and find the items she needed. She wanted to believe it was positive progress, and not just... numbness.
Eventually Terri found herself at a plastic, shining, sterile table. A table where she sat alone, idly scrolling her phone face-up, with a plate of steaming meatballs before her. And even here, she felt the din of noisy Sunday shoppers pressing in on her from all sides. Occasionally her tall ears would twitch, and she'd have to fight the urge to tug on them in anxiety. Nevertheless she kept herself under control. Even as the noise passed by and around her on all sides.
This was nothing compared to a Friday night on the club floor, Terri assured herself in an attempt to calm her own nerves.
Though... Kayte wasn't around to comfort her.
Still, she was doing her best. A little outing by herself every now and then was important! It helped her focus her thoughts, and gave her a moment of reflection even with the crowds. Plus, this errand was a good way for her to break from her routine. It gave her an excuse to get out of her room and finally pick up a bookshelf. As well as one of those stuffed sh-
"Oh, wow, ███Tech!" The words caught the rabbit girl complete off guard, sending her ears tall and her eyes wide. Someone was talking. Someone was talking to HER.
Her eyes snapped up immediately. There before her, stood an opossum dressed in the most hauntingly normative, business casual outfit she could imagine. Khaki pants and a light blue button down tucked in just a little too tight, the clothing matching perfectly with the too-well styled swirl in his midlife-crisis bangs. "That's my alma matar! Did your brother go there? I might've overlapped with him."
Terri remained frozen, pupils dilated as she felt her heartbeat revving out of control beneath the very sweater that had betrayed her. The ratty old sweater that proclaimed the name of the school she had used to attend. The grad school she had dropped out of because of...
"Whoa, sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. It's just that..." The opossum leaned in closer, squinting his eyes as he bent slightly over the table toward Terri.
"Bernard?!" Terri belted out the name without thinking. The shock was simply too overwhelming.
She regretted it immediately.
"Yeah! How d-" Bernard leaned back slowly as a look of surprise light up his face. An expression that then slowly melted from ear to ear, giving way to a face of realization, twisted with a hint of unhinged laughter. "Oh my god. Oh my GOD! Is that you? ████████, is that REALLY you?"
Terri swallowed so hard she thought the cashiers on the other side of the warehouse could hear it.
"Y-yeah... Hi Bernard, it's been a while."
While Terri slowly sank into herself, Bernard, for his part, became even more animated. His hands flew to his head as he held his temples, bug-eyed excitement mixed with his near-shouting exuberance. "Holy shit, ████████! I can't believe it's you. I mean... Wow! I can't believe you're alive! After all this time... We all thought... I mean I can't even begin to believe it!"
"O-oh, gosh, I'm... I'm sorry." Terri felt herself seizing up. Her anxiety was mounting incredibly. She felt so suddenly and phenomenally vulnerable in the blink of an eye. And on top of that, every instance of "████████" that left Bernard's lips, however understandable, made her wince in discomfort.
"I g-guess a lot has happened. B-but I'm still alive. Still... here."
"I haven't seen you since grad school, and that night you basically vanished without a trace!" Bernard slid onto the bench on the other side of the long, rectangular table. The whole assembly jostled as he imposed his weight upon it. Terri's down-turned gaze could see his sterile reflection in the polished plastic surface. "No one ever knew where you went! I mean, obviously the professor told us all you had a health issue, but no one knew if you were okay or if you were coming back or, or... Even Pho-"
"Oh!" Terri's panic began to multiply by the second. "W-well, I had no idea what anyone s-said, or anything. A-and..." She was freezing up.
"Look, I know it's been a while, but... I just have to know. What the hell happened to you, ████████"
"A-actually, it's Terri now," She spoke the words softly, more terrified than she had ever been. "And, well, it's a bit personal, I guess? Um. B-but it was a health issue. I couldn't... couldn't be in the lab anymore. One night it got, uh... bad. Really bad. So I, uh... took some time off, and then I moved up here."
Bernard regarded the rabbit girl as if he were staring at an oncoming train, "You just moved to the Bay Area, no kidding! How long have you been here?"
"About... nine years, I guess?" Terri began rubbing her own arm out of anxious reflex. She struggled to put forth a smile and maintain eye contact, "I'm... I'm actually living and working in Piedmont. Oh! Uh, wh-what have you been doing, yourself?"
"Oh wow, well..." Bernard slapped his hands to the table and leaned back. "I finished up, did a post doc over on the East Coast, then came out here to work for ParaCore. I've been there for about six years at this point, started doing research, and now I'm a director."
Terri tried her best to catch her breath. It had been a calculated move. Even if it had been a decade since they last spoke, she knew that Bernard couldn't help going on about himself.
"Of course," he extended, "the research always has been my passion. But lately we've had some products that have demanded I really dig into outsourcing and managing remote sites. It's so much different than what we did in grad school. I'm not gonna complain, though. The paychecks are cushy to say the least. The stocks are a cherry on that." The opossum did not hide how proud he was of this fact. "After years of paying our dues, though, it's nice, right?"
Terri felt herself recovering slowly. She told herself she could maybe endure this, just as long as Bernard didn't ask ab-
"So what've you been doing?"
Her ears stood aloft, rigid, as her heart thudded into overdrive.
"I... uh..." Her eyes drifted to the side, "I'm a waitress. I... I work at a nightclub that me and my friend r-run."
Suddenly, the din of the Sunday shoppers hushed in Terri's ears. Every single customer seemed to dim into a silhouette, their previous noise a dim murmur. Instead, Terri was alone with Bernard. And specifically, Bernard's judgment.
A split second of revulsion that extruded into an hour, on full display across Bernard's face, and then the world snapped back to its previous reality.
Bernard did his best to hide the twisted grimacing face, but his instinct had won over, and even that millisecond of expression was sufficient for Terri to understand his reaction.
"Oh, wow, ████████," He uttered quietly as his boisterous demeanor would allow. "You didn't stick with chemistry? I mean, you were on a real hot streak in the lab. You loved research!"
"Ah, I guess, it just wasn't working out for me?" Terri was rubbing her arm more visibly now. "It was... it was overwhelming. And when my health..."
He had to know, she told herself. Everyone knew. Back in grad school, even when the rumors were so much more petty, where they so much more mild, where they somehow circulated with alarming speed and accuracy. Long ago she had made peace with the fact that everyone probably knew she had dropped out because she ha-
"Sure, sure, of course, your health always comes first," Bernard's reassurances felt weightless and without substance. "But, wow. Being a waiter around here? That's... I mean..."
Bernard leaned forward with a sudden lurch, "Hey! You know, you could always go back, right? I mean, we're hiring at ParaCore. Specifically I'm hiring right now!"
Terri's eyes began to widen. She could practically feel her pupils dilating as a glacial stream hit her circulatory system, a frigid chill in her blood.
"Now, I mean obviously we couldn't hire you at the scientist level, seeing as you didn't finish. But, you got out with your master's right? We could absolutely get you into an associate position. That's got to pay better than being a waiter." Bernard practically spat the last word.
Terri's chest was tightening as she felt her breathing increase. She reached out across the table to grasp her fingers around her phone, and did so tightly.
"I can email you the application link. I think you'd be a shoe-in with your skills! Plus, we'd get to work together! Just... Well, you know. You'll probably want to make sure you look and dress a little more, uh... reasonably normal if yo-"
"I HAVE TO GO BYE IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU."
The rabbit girl bolted from her seat, tearing herself from the table in a shot, leaving the plate of still-steaming meatballs stranded as she practically ran into the crowd.
"Wh-Hey! ████████! Wait!!" Bernard called after her, "At least let's swap phone numbers!"
"SORRY I DON'T HAVE A PHONE!"
"Terri? You in here?" The massive wolf leaned her head through the door into the rabbit's room, but found only the gently flapping drapes fluttering in the evening breeze. The rest of the room was stillness and vacancy.
Kayte rubbed her chin thoughtfully as she stepped into the room. Terri's dresser looked immaculate - neatly organized and much more spacious. But then, where did her-
"Oh!" Kayte exclaimed softly, noticing the bookshelf that hadn't been there this morning. Meticulously arranged figurines were placed thoughtfully upon the shelves, Terri's mixture of dolls and other eclectic miniatures mingling among each other without care for theme or subject. On the bottom shelf, a blanket was draped over something rectangular.
Kayte couldn't help herself. A quick glance beneath the fabric revealed a stack of Terri's reference books, piled flat atop one another rather than with their spines arranged outward. Kayte grunted slightly in understanding.
She also noted that there was a new stuffed animal on Terri's bed.
But no Terri.
Kayte frowned to herself, before quietly closing the door to Terri's room and making her way through the hall to the kitchen. She passed through swiftly, noting the rabbit wasn't present, continuing up through to the third floor before arriving at the building's roof. She pushed the heavy, metallic door open - and immediately felt the chill of the November sky.
From atop the three story building, Kayte could see across the bay. She could see the shimmering water stretching toward the peninsula, see the sun melting gradually behind the hills in the west. The clouds above her, as well as the damp, cool bite to the wind, reminded her bluntly that it was autumn.
The wolf carefully ducked her head through the doorway as she emerged into the evening air, navigating between the ventilation units and assorted storage until she reached the clear, open surface of the roof. There was little beyond crates and boxes on the roof, but what was there was important to her. Of course there were the lawn chairs and the other various deck furniture that the Transgressions residents liked to use when they came out for a smoke, or to pass the late night hours. But there was also Kayte's space.
A small wooden enclosure, with depth enough to be filled with a good quantity of soil. Intermittent posts stood at regular intervals, coiled with the greenery of her still-growing tomato vines. Beside that, rows of sprouting carrots, a small few patches of lettuce, and the watermelon she had planted for kicks. A small makeshift roof had been forged from scrap metal siding and discarded planks, covering Kayte's garden as well as it could.
But no sign of Terri, even here.
As she hefted out a deep sigh from the bottom of her lungs, Kayte's ears stood on end. She heard a familiar sniffle, one she couldn't mistake. And it was coming from the edge of the building. There, over the edge, was the bunny girl. She was sitting on the fire escape, facing east. The view from the vantage point looked out over the street below - and further out toward the city, which stretched out into the distance beyond it.
"So here's where you've been hiding," Kayte tried her best to speak softly and gradually, so as to not frighten the rabbit. She lowered herself down onto the metal fire escape and slowly sat down beside Terri, both their legs danging over the edge.
Terri looked up toward the wolf from where she sat, quickly attempting to wipe away her tears amid another obvious sniffle. She let out a weary, yet obviously genuine, smile as she looked up into Kayte's eyes.
Kayte leaned down, and very gently placed a soft kiss of her lips on Terri's forehead.
"Haven't seen you all day, babe. I was starting to get a little worried."
Terri sniffled again, using the sleeve of her hoodie to dry her eyes as best she was able. "Y-Yeah," she softly stammered. "I kinda... kinda decided to run an errand into Emeryville today. Took a little longer than I expected."
Kayte reached around Terri with a massive arm, pulling the bunny close against her side as she smiled down with a nod.
"Good on you for doing that alone, sweetie. I saw the new bookshelf. It looks nice! Very neatly organized, and it gives you a bunch more room." The wolf tried her best to smile bright enough to clear the sky, "I saw your new friend, too."
Terri cast her gaze down toward the street below, letting out a tired chuckle as she flopped against Kayte's side, leaning into the wolf.
"I... I mean... It just sort of felt like I had to, you know? It's trite, maybe. I realize it's rather a fad, but... brings me a smile."
"Hey, you deserve those." Kayte squeezed her arms around Terri very carefully, very warmly, and very tenderly. She held her for a lingering moment, gazing out over the street at the yawning shadows below. "So, I take it your errand was, uh... a little difficult?"
"No. Well, I mean... Yes, b-but..." Terri heaved another drawn out sigh, "It was challenging. But not for the reasons it usually is. I-I think I handled the crowd just fine. I wasn't too overwhelmed. It's just..."
The rabbit paused for a long, winding moment. The soft sound of distant, murmuring pedestrians floated up to the fire escape from below, filling the silence.
"I..." Terri seemed to choke on the words as she spoke them, "I met the past while I was out there."
Kayte gave the rabbit a sidelong gaze, before punctuating it with a gentle squeeze. "Oh? How so?"
"I just..." Terri cast her gaze down, her ears seeming to sag low along with her face as she kept her arms wrapped around Kayte.
"I ran into someone from grad school."
Kayte's ears perked as her posture went subtly more rigid.
"It wasn't... he... I mean... It's not that he was mean to me. Or a bad person. Or anything like that. But... but..."
Terri shook her head very slowly, before raising back up and leaning against the wolf's soft, powerful chest.
"It was strange seeing someone from the old life, I guess. He seemed happy. He looked like he was right where he needed to be. He obviously has a very good job now. Lots of money. Probably doesn't worry about making rent. Or worry about anyone kicking in his door while he sleeps."
Terri drooped forward slightly with a weary chuckle, "Back then, we were all miserable, you know? I always... always thought that was just how it had to be. Getting into the lab at seven in the morning. Leaving the lab at midnight. Doing it six days a week. At a certain point it just felt like... misery for the sake of it. But here he was, years after I fled. He got out too, but I guess... I guess he got the reward I never could. It was real. It wasn't a fairy tale."
Kayte nodded her head slowly as she listened, rocking slowly with Terri firmly in her arms.
"Do you regret leaving when you did?"
Terri lifted her head for a moment. Even at this angle, Kayte could see the tears welling up in her eyes, and hear the barely suppressed emotion in her voice.
"No."
"Not for a single moment. I had to leave when I did. I wouldn't have survived another day as ████████. There was a kind of misery there that choked me, even beyond the crushing work. It was this... expectation. This osmotic, pervasive, all-encompassing expectation that defined who you were, whether you liked it or not. The measure of success wasn't some achievement in its own right, passing a milestone or making an advancements in your skill... It was the fulfillment of expected behavior, the realization of some flat, predefined caricature. It was becoming the person they assigned to you. The person they assumed you were from the start, or needed you to be."
Terri let out a sniffle as she slowly kicked her dangling feet back and forth beneath the edge of the fire escape while gazing out at the hills beyond the city.
"I ran into it again out there today - That expectation. The mere idea that I wasn't in chemistry anymore scandalized him. I could feel his contempt as I told him I was a waitress... You know he even said I should apply for a job at his company? Said he was hiring. Said I had the skills to make it happen... And yet, he just had to wedge in there that I'd probably have to be more 'normal'. You know, something akin to that. Another projection of expectation. Another condition to survival on the terms of being someone inoffensive to their sensibilities."
"He kept spitting my deadname at me, too. Not that I think it was malice or anything, just... Just expectation, right? That's how it had to be for him - That I was that person, stuck in time from over a decade ago. Because that was the me that was less offensive, and probably would make him feel less uncomfortable. To him, I had to be who he expected me to be."
"I imagine if I had mentioned I worked here, he might've tried calling the police or something."
"You play the game, you fit the mold, you work to make everyone beyond yourself happy, and you get the tools to thrive. Fit the narrative and you will be rewarded," she shook her head slowly. "But despite that reward, it leaves you hollow. What would there be there, for me, if I had gone that path? I don't think all the money in the world would've filled the hole in my heart."
"And yet... Even if you play to expectation your whole life, if you make them uncomfortable for even a moment? If you step outside those expectations even slightly? Suddenly you're marginalized out of existence. They never give quarter to someone like me. They get angry seeing me in the supermarket, even as a complete stranger. Five minutes crossing paths with them, even if that's the totality of my existence in their life, is enough to make them so, so upset. And why? Just the mere possibility that I'm out of the ordinary, I guess. Being against expectations, that's enough to reject me entirely. Being what I am..."
"..."
"After a few decades of playing by the rules and falling in line, after achieving so many of their measures of success, after having a future promised to me for my hard work... When I first changed, do you know what, out of everything different, it was that shocked me the most?"
"How conditional it all was. And how quickly it vanished when I stepped off the path."
The autumn wind whipped past with a crisp tongue, the stark November sky darkening by the moment as Terri huddled herself closer to Kayte.
"I liked studying chemistry. I really did. Dropping out is something I do regret, but only because I would've liked to have kept doing science. The environment and the people were toxic, and I know now that I was starving and harming my soul while I was there. I was living a lie. A lie more harmful to me in its perpetuation than any reward could justify. A lie that I couldn't break free of alone. Heck, it was one I couldn't even recognize on my own!" She looked up from where she was, leaning against Kayte, up into the wolf's eyes, "Meeting you and Vect, getting the chance to be myself... Even if I'm not exactly the perfect fit for the kind of girl who lives at Transgressions, well... It's still been the best thing that ever happened to me."
"I may not have a stock plan, or be a fancy manager. I might not have the degree I worked for five and a half years to earn. And here, well... I may not be the strongest member of our organization. Or a helpful one. Or even a worthy one. But, what I have here is something I've needed desperately. When I first got here I was dying inside, and I didn't know it. For all I've had to give up to be here, I wouldn't wish to change my decision. Never."
Kayte drew her arm around Terri, pulling the bunny near enough so that their hips snuggled against one another. The gigantic wolf held her close. Terri instantly felt both warm, and safe.
"Well, hell," Kayte noted, giving Terri the softest squeeze. "That's a lot to have on your mind. And I'm sorry that you had to deal with that asshole, whoever he was. Seriously, fuck him, yeah? I wish I could've been there, maybe put a little respect into him. And I'm sorry I wasn't around to support you when you needed it, sweetheart. But let me take at least one thing off your list of worries, yeah?"
The wolf softly curled her fingers around Terri's hand, gently squeezing as she looked down into her eyes.
"You belong here, and never doubt that for a second, okay? It's not about your contributions. It's not about your usefulness. It's that you deserve it. It's that we all love you, and we want you to be safe and happy. I'll say it again, you deserve to be safe and happy. And you deserve to be yourself. You deserve to share yourself - and I always love when you do. We're always going to be here to make sure you have a place to be you. Always know that in your heart. That's not conditional."
The rabbit leaned up from where she sat, wrapping her arms around Kaye more completely as she delicately brushed her lips to those of the wolf. The two shared a tender, soft kiss amid the crisp air for a long, wonderful moment.
"I love you, Kayte."
The gigantic wolf smiled softly, touching her forehead to Terri's as she kept the bunny close.
"And I love you, Terri. Proud of you."
The two stared off into the horizon together, quietly watching the shadows wrap themselves long across the town below as evening inched ever closer. The chilly air was shifting from crisp to a more toothsome bite, but Terri didn't mind. She was warm enough just where she was.
Suddenly, Terri's ears stood on end as a realization struck her brain.
"Oh!"
Kayte looked down to the bunny with concern, "Everything okay?"
Terri groaned inwardly.
"I forgot to do the laundry..."
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Date: 2025-05-10 01:31 am (UTC)Terri (who was first introduced in Transgressions here) is a very important character to both the story, and to me. I first wrote her into the fiction during the LJ days, but she never had the opportunity to take center stage. She rather fades into the background by nature, but I nevertheless think she is a critical part of Transgressions (both the story and the institution within the story) and understanding it.
I hope to keep writing, though at this point I am uncertain who might still be reading.
If you are still out there, thank you much <3 I hope you are well. Or at least, surviving.
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Date: 2025-05-11 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-05-11 04:20 am (UTC)I'll confess I never know if I add in too much extraneous detail, or if it's appropriate for the scenes.
Thank you so much, Charlotte. Coming from a talented writer like yourself, this is a high compliment, and I super appreciate it <3
Thank you also for still reading these. That means a whole lot to me too. Seriously a lot. Thank you.