Desolate Hope (Lightning In A Bottle AU)
Nov. 28th, 2025 05:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phormthevixdjinnThin, pale wisps of fading haze spiraled up toward the midnight sky above, dissipating into nothingness after naught but scant moments. The inky dark of midnight was almost claustrophobic, despite the seemingly endless space that stretched in all directions. Even if an open sky and rolling dunes of gritty sand were all the eye could see, even if the humming illumination of vigilant light posts stood constant watch, nothing could mute the sublime and overwhelming pitch-black that seemed to chew at the edges of visible space.
It was so different here. So easy to throw her head back and see a flowing, rich tapestry of stars stretching overhead. She was used to the city lights damping them all out. Maybe, as she drove toward the city limits, she'd catch a glimpse of more than nothing. She'd see a handful or so twinkling lights in the sky, hanging low on the horizon. But those occasions were rare and fleeting.
She'd never seen the stars thriving like this.
She'd never seen darkness like this.
Polymayhem let out another semi-shuddered breath, chilly white vapor coursing over her lips and becoming visible for another fleeting second. The desert was so much hotter than she expected. And also, so much fucking COLDER at night. And so much darker. And so much more god damned EMPTY.
"FUCK!" She shouted, unrestrained. Her voice seemed to flee into the darkness, withering to die amid the endless sand. No echo, no bounce from a nearby brick wall. The quiet of the sandy abyss devoured her shout, smothering it before it could reach the ear of anyone else.
The Administrator threw back her head as she took another ill-advised swig from her over-sized energy drink. She was unabashed as she let out a heady sigh, the undertones of misery apparent. Her legs danged over the edge of the concrete slab upon which she sat, high atop the only structure visible for kilometers.
Of course, the main entrance to the subterranean facility was nearly five kilometers southwest of where she sat. The standard transport elevator into the site was housed within an unassuming strip mall, hidden between the fast food restaurants and the rest stops. The surface-level front doubled as a place the henches liked to unwind on occasion. But even in the midst of the wasteland, Poly found that area too busy for her liking. Or at least, it was busy in a way she didn't care for.
Instead, she was here. On top of an unassuming, if massive, concrete box with a gigantic rolling metallic security shutter. At each of the four corners of the building, a single lamp post spewed its futile illumination into the darkness.
There was nothing else here.
It was quiet, at least. Overwhelmingly.
The sting of the midnight air bit at her cheeks again, causing her to shudder. It was uncomfortable for a moment, but not nearly as distressing to her as the memory of what had just happened in the CQE chamber just hours prior.
"FUCK!" The desert one again ate her words. It seemed to have an endless appetite this evening.
The arctic fox leaned forward, resting elbows on her knees as she held the half-filled can of noxious caffeine slurry with both hands. She couldn't stop miring in misery, it seemed. She had planned so thoroughly, so intently, on this program being the endeavor that would finally allow her to prove her worth. To show that she was capable of actually contributing to the organization. To demonstrate that she BEL-
{clang}
Her ears perked suddenly as a distant sound faintly punctured the inky black silence of the desert. In an instant she was sitting upright, small frame rigid as she strained to listen intently.
Slowly it dawned on her: It was the sound of heavy, weighty metal on metal. It was somewhere far off, but drawing closer. She'd recognize it anywhere. As it grew louder and loomed nearer, she was only more confident in her assessment. Was it a raid? Tanks didn't sound like that. And there weren't any pavement or dirt roads nearby that standard law enforcement might use. Perhaps it was a PMC equipped with attack exosuits?
"Wait. No..." She muttered, eyes narrowing as she realized that the massive structure beneath her was shaking with every nearing CLANG!
As if on queue, the thick, metallic security shudder on the front face of the concrete building began to roll upward rapidly. Polymayhem pulled her feet out of the way, scooting back from the edge as the entrance to their hidden mech deployment bay opened wide. In mere seconds the shutter was gone, exposing the interior of the structure as light poured out of the open bay and into the desert.
{CLANG!} {BLANG!} {CLANG!} {BLANG!}
The Administrator cast her gaze downward in time to see a dizzying, noisy blur burst out of the mech bay, a streak that bolted out into the wasteland ahead. With footfalls pounding massive divots in the sand, sending a spray of grit in its wake, a towering bipedal mech suit dashed unceremoniously into the wide desert ahead. The Administrator noted it was roughly three meters tall, boasted fully articulated limbs, and had an obsidian black exterior covered with glowing runes that simmered with unearthly purple light.
"Goddamnit, Mekkie," She muttered quietly under her breath as she recognized the machine.
The gigantic metallic suit came to a sudden halt after clearing the threshold of the mech bay shutter. As the din of the mechanical running melted into the greedy maw of the silent desert, The Administrator became suddenly aware of an uncomfortable, almost ear-piercing, high-pitched noise droning through the chilly midnight air. Simultaneously, she noted that the mech suit was carrying a sizable metal container, held under the machine's left arm. It was hard to make out the specific details of the object, but Poly was able to see several cracks in the exterior... cracks that pulsed and throbbed with an otherworldly purple glow. The unsettling light appeared to be breaking through the surface from beneath, as if forcing its way through the metal exterior.
Without a moment of delay, the suit immediately grasped the container with both mechanized hands, lifted the metallic cask over its head, and then hurled it with unparalleled force into the night sky.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!" An unhinged and panicked voice broadcast over a loudspeaker from within the suit.
Poly stood to her feet atop the mech bay as she watched the trail of purple light streak across the sea of stars. The glowing trail in the wake of the canister seemed to dwindle into the distance, cresting to an apex amid the inky dark of midnight, then plummeting toward the horizon. The purple glow vanished somewhere amid the sand, far beyond the reach of the meager light surrounding the bay door, disappearing from view without so much as a sound.
{PSSSHHHHH!}
The pressurized hiss of the mech suit cockpit door raising caught The Administrator's attention. Her eyes darted down toward the bipedal metallic monstrosity in time to see the canopy raising - and a diminutive figure scurry out from within. A short, stocky mouse, clad in her own lab coat and thick, rounded pink glasses, clamored onto one of the mech suit's raised arms. She ascended to the top of the mech itself via the raise limb, hurriedly pulling herself up to stand upon the top of the suit, which now stood motionless, canopy open, devoid of a pilot.
Mechaotic hadn't noticed The Administrator at all. Instead, once she reached the surface of the canopy she seemed to hold as still as possible. She appeared as if she were holding her breath, as if she were listening intently. In fact, the mouse appeared to lean forward with anticipation, so much so that The Administrator feared she might slip off the top of the suit entirely.
The Administrator let out a silent sigh. Mekkie's antics were anything but unfamiliar to her, and in this moment in particular, it was the last thing she needed. But nevertheless, as The Administrator it was still her respo-
[ka-THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!]
A purple flash of blinding light burst forth from the void of midnight, accompanied by an ear-shattering, reverberating explosion that felt for all the world as if it were shaking Poly's very soul. The entire desert was suddenly alight, dunes and vegetation in every direction bathed in monochromatic purple that beat the darkness back for kilometers. A fantastic pillar of crackling, chaotic energy leapt from the sands below, reaching skyward toward the sea of stars above with staggering alacrity. Then, just as suddenly as it had erupted, the pillar collapsed in on itself, folding inward along axes the Administrator's mind could not comprehend. Light did not simply diminish, it did not merely fade. Rather, all illumination rushed toward some point on the horizon, as if suctioned away from reality, as if some extra-dimensional presence had pinched reality itself and yanked in a direction that Poly could not see. Even the light posts around the mech bay leaked ethereally and incoherently, their buzzing glow melting and stretching toward the horizon. As the tattered and frayed ribbons of visibility twisted around themselves, every trace of any glow vanished into that singularity.
The Administrator noted that everything was now suddenly very, very dark.
Not dark in a way that the desert had known previously. This was not simply the absence of light. It felt, for all the world, as if her mind simply could not process her surroundings. As if this lack of vision was her brain shrugging, and giving up, rather than attempting to grapple with whatever it was in front of her. Then, without warning, as a rubber band snapping back into shape, the world sprung violently to normalcy. Existence returned to her eyes with a stretching, wobbling shudder that made her instantly, but temporarily, nauseous. After a few slender moments of unsettling shifting and jiggling, reality returned to its previous state.
There, in the distance, and quite faintly, Poly noted the dimmest purple glimmer of shadow rising from the desert floor. A pillar of shade against darkness, a hardly perceptible outline, speckled with twinkling purple specks that rolled upward into itself amid the inky backdrop.
A rising mushroom cloud, made of darkness and glitter, slowly curling upward under cover of night.
It was about that time that a howling wind broke against her cheeks. The Administrator and Mechaotic both raised their arms against the sudden spray of sand that the previously unseen shock wave carried directly into their faces. The air whipped past them intensely, howling with the sound of eerie, otherworldly whispers and groans. The harsh gale spoke incoherently, and yet communicated a message of horror and grief directly into their minds. The startling sensation was nearly overwhelming, yet brief. Gradually the sound, and the wind itself, died down to nothingness.
Within moments, all was once again calm. The desert had, in its infinite hunger, devoured both the sights and sounds. It left nothing but the thick darkness of the midnight sky.
"Wooooo hoo hoo hoo!" The mouse cackled energetically, "Holy WOW!"
"WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK, MEKKIE?!"
The mouse leapt in surprise, grasping into the raised arm of the mechsuit with a squeal as she did so. After a beat of shock, she scrambled around the arm as it lifted higher and spread the palm of its hand flat. Mekkie hauled herself onto the raised palm, adjusting her rounded glasses as she looked toward the vixen.
"Oh! Miss Administrator! I didn't know you were out h-"
"You wanna tell me what that was all about?!"
"Aaahhhh," Mekkie seemed to stall, unable to hide a massive grin on her face. "We sorta had a bit of an emergency in the development lab."
The mouse suddenly became extremely animated. Eyes wide, eyes twinkling, her gesticulations were easily twice her diminutive size. All traces of embarrassment or shame were entirely absent from her enthusiastic voice as she began an eager explanation.
"See, we had pulled one of the spare containment cells for the Queen of Cups out of storage so that we could pack some more stuff into the space. So I figured, as long as it's out, we might as well put it through some of the paces, right? I've been wanting to really stress test how much the individual cells can tolerate in the event of an arcane surge or an overcharge! It's important information! So I grabbed the cell, then started up a blood ritual."
The mouse adjusted the glasses on her face, "You know, like ya' do."
"ANYway," Mekkie continued, "I thiiiiink I might've punched a little too far above my weight class? Because the summoning was successful, and we had the channeling and containment set up REALLY tight to pipe right into the feeder. So all that energy went WHAM! right into the spare array cell. Aaaaand then it started like... bulging and jumping. So it was pretty clear that it was going to breach from an overload."
Mekkie gave the barest hint of a proud smile as she pointed down at the mech beneath her, "Luckily I was able to deploy my suit, grab the cell, and just haul ass through the complex. We, uh... We might have a few kinda deep footprints to buff out of the floors? But I made it out in time, and threw the cell clear! And then... Well..."
The mech suit slowly took a few steps backward toward the mech bay entrance, even without a pilot in its cockpit. A brief moment later, the mouse leapt from the palm of the machine, and onto the concrete structure beside the arctic fox.
"You kinda saw what happened next," Mekkie gave a shrug.
"Fucking FUCK, another mess I have to clean up," The Administrator grumbled, exasperated. "Mekkie, were you TRYING to get us flagged?? We've been underground, silent, and out of sight for MONTHS out here. You basically just sent up a signal flare so huge I'm pretty sure every government on the planet could see it from SPACE!"
"Oh, pfffft," Mekkie blew a raspberry flippantly, accompanying the noise with a dismissive wave of her hand. "We just push that it was one of those expensive music festivals, or spiritual retreats, or whatever the fuckin' rich boys and girls are doing out here to get away from mommy and daddy. If we get real hard up, it's not difficult to spin this as being some kinda unethical bullshit from a megacorp."
The Administrator looked down toward the mouse with narrowed eye and hands on hips. Eventually, she put a hand to the bridge of her nose beneath her glasses, closing her eyes to let out a massive sigh. Poly took a few deep breaths, shook her head slowly, and then slipped down atop the mech bay. She slumped forward as she resumed sitting upon the edge of the structure, her legs dangling over the concrete lip.
"Whatever," the vixen muttered, her hand once again finding the half-filled energy drink can.
Mekkie paused for a moment, paws together as she watched The Administrator relent. She wasn't used to this out of the fox at all. She expected more of a debate, more push back. The mouse scurried quickly to the edge of the mech bay roof, plopping herself down on the cement beside the deflated Administrator.
"Trust me," Mekkie stated with confidence, "this will all blow over, easy! It was an ethereal exothermic release, so there's no chance of a crater or anything. Just a lot of evaporated arcane energy that might make someone feel spooked out if they stand in the epicenter too long. Believe me, if anyone's actually talking about it come tomorrow, it'll be the cranks on the early morning AM radio stations, nothing more."
The Administrator took a long, long pull from her beverage. As she slowly lowered the can to her lap, she gave a disaffected, listless shrug.
"Like I said, whatever. At this point it hardly matters."
Mekkie adjusted her gigantic pink glasses for a moment. It only took a second to confirm that The Administrator was off network and not plugged in.
That wasn't good.
"Uh, Miss Administrator? Are... Are you okay?"
In response to the question the vixen arched an eyebrow amid her barely-readable frown. It spoke all the answer Mekkie needed.
"How long have we known each other, Mekkie?"
"Gosh. Uh, that's a tough one, Miss Administrator." Mekkie put a hand to her chin as she gazed down at the ground below, deep in thought, feet slowly kicking back and forth through the air as she ruminated. "Well, I guess about as long as I've been with the organization. I still remember you getting up in arms every time I popped up in your lab!"
The vixen let out a little grunt of a smile, unable to disguise the crack of amusement creeping in at the corners of her mouth. "You kept showing up trying to learn more about VoidSlick, and I kept wondering where the hell you came from. Every time they tossed you out, you were back in minutes. Then before I knew it, you were outfitted and networked, and we were eating lunch and trading notes."
"I guess it has been a while, huh?"
"Sure has," the vixen muttered as she ran her thumbs over the surface of the metal can thoughtfully. "Years probably. So, you know," The vixen bumped her shoulder up against the mouse gently, "Knock it off with the 'Miss Administrator' stuff, huh? I don't always call you 'Chief Engineer'. You can call me Poly."
Mekkie smiled in reply, letting out a soft giggle. "I mean, if you'd like that, sure thing Miss Poly." The mouse grinned up at he vixen, fully expecting the expression of exasperation that Poly performatively delivered in response. "I just wanted to respect your new title, yeah?"
"God, at this point, don't remind me, Mekkie," Poly seemed to stare downward, leaning forward over the edge slightly as her gaze drifted over the sands below. "Anyway, you can call me whatever you want, I guess."
Mekkie paused momentarily as she felt a wave of concern wash over her.
"Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right? Or if you don't want to talk to me, you can always talk to Dee?"
Poly let out another heavy sigh, nodding her head as she did. "I know. I know and I understand that. I've already cried my eyes out to Dee enough tonight, though. Girl needs some time without my trauma dumping."
"Well, I'm here now, if you've got more you need to let out," Mekkie offered gently, sliding up against Poly's side as she did.
Poly squeezed her hands around the metal can quietly. The denting metal made the faintest hollow noise, a metallic crumple that rose quickly and faded into the night. As vixen remained motionless and silent for several moments, Mekkie felt the sudden voracious hunger of the desert around her.
She didn't care much for it.
"Back when I was in academia," Poly's voice was softer than usual, but it still pushed through above the mute void of the wasteland. "Back before I joined up, back before I had a job. Hell, back before I even had my gender shit figured out... Back then I thought I had a pretty clear idea of success."
The vixen lifted her eyes to the horizon. Still leaning forward, elbows on her knees, hand around her energy drink as she gazed into the middle distance. "It was all laid out for you, you know? Do the research. Get the degree. Get the job. Then, life could begin."
"I didn't really question it much. I loved chemistry to the point that I was just happy to be in the lab, happy to have the chance to actually contribute to SOMEthing to better the field. So I put my heart into it. I put my whole self into it."
A small, scoffing burst of air curled from Poly's lips. "You know, I still remember back then. I remember one of my favorite professors looking directly at the class and saying 'If you're not prepared to live your chemistry, I suggest you go find something else to live'. That stuck with me. A little too much, maybe. As I went through grad school, it did become my life. I thought that was the way it had to be. I thought that's the way it was, and I thought that so much that I didn't really question the long hours, or the endless work, or the fucking abuse. I didn't question the lack of ANYTHING else in my life, every single day."
"The lack of anything in..."
The vixen shook her head slowly, stopping her words as if she suddenly thought better than to continue. Her voice rose slightly, but softly. "Eventually I did get that degree. They called me doctor, and I felt accomplished for it. But as soon as I set foot in my postdoc, suddenly it just felt... worthless, somehow. As if I hadn't made any difference, and was back where I started. As if I still had to do more and more just to prove myself, and nothing I had done was enough."
"After a while I finally got that job. That job they promised me was the mark of success, the real sign that I had 'made' it. But even then, once the novelty of that position wore off it felt somehow... hollow."
"At a certain point it dawned on me. I thought I was filling my days and my life with chemistry. But I was filling my days and my life with THEIR chemistry. What my professor wanted. What my boss wanted. What the company shareholders wanted. There wasn't anything of me in there, save the labor and sweat required to make those demands reality. It felt like I wasn't contributing so much as I was being used."
"Yet still, they told me I had achieved success. Success. My bank account was pretty plush at the time, so who was I to refute what they said? They were paying me pretty fuckin' well, I will confess. All I had to do was... make the medicines they wanted. Make the pills they'd use to monetize illness."
Poly took yet another long, heavy, exaggerated pull from her over-sized energy drink. She kept her head back as she lowered the can to her lap, voice staccato and pointed. "And to do it, all I had to do was be. Exactly. The person. They wanted."
The Administrator lowered her head again, holding the emptied aluminum vessel with by the top with a claw grip, dangling the can over the edge of that twelve foot drop to the desert below.
"They said I had success. So why was it that I felt as if my efforts were falling into a void? Why did I feel like I wasn't doing anything significant, or noteworthy, or even worthy of sharing? Why did it feel like I was somehow alone, despite being surrounded by other people all the time? For all the time I spent in the lab, I might've well been on the surface of the moon. I never did anything outside of that lab except sleep, anyway."
"I didn't have friends. I had co-workers."
"And me? Myself? Internally? Sure, I was getting a paycheck. But that didn't really solve the fact that I was nothing more than the polite shell they wanted. Non-confrontational. Obedient. Inoffensive. Out of the way. And of course," A sneer twitched reflexively across her lips, her revulsion apparent as she spat, "Male."
"I found myself becoming insanely jealous of the people society told me were beneath me. People who were struggling to make ends meet. People who were outcasts and rejects, supposedly. But for all I was told that these people were failures, I could sense a richness, a warmth, and a purpose within them that I hadn't felt elsewhere. Ever. Something within them that I utterly lacked. I was told to hate them for their suffering, and that because of that suffering, they were somehow lesser. Slowly I figured out the reality that such idiocy was, is, and remains bullshit."
Poly delicately set the can on the concrete beside her, hand still atop it as she continued to speak.
"And then, eventually, I looked at myself. I looked inward. And I realized what it was that I had inside of me."
With a forceful push, the vixen smashed the aluminum can flat, filling the air with the crackling din of crumpling metal.
"Absolutely nothing."
She picked up the crushed can, and slowly turned the ugly medallion between her fingers end over end.
"There was nothing there. I was a husk. A hollowed out shell of a creature. I had been trying to stuff that hole with 'Success', never stopping for a moment to ask, 'What is Success?' or more accurately 'Who's definition of Success is this?'. So, there was just... nothing there. I was empty."
"That... I think that realization broke me."
"But then, what would you expect? A hollow shell has no strength. It breaks easily."
Poly suddenly turned to look Mekkie directly in the eye. In that moment the mouse could see intensity and grief, even through the tinted, pink lenses. "But from the pieces, I made something better. Something more whole. Something me. That's worth something, I guess."
Mekkie had been quiet as she could, making space enough for Poly as the vixen poured her heart out. She leaned her shoulder against Poly's for a moment, before offering a simple question, "So the past is hanging over you? I mean, it sounds like you made it out. You're here with us now! And so much more yourself, after all."
Poly breathed deeply, before pushing the air from her lungs in a slow, controlled manner.
"Mekkie," The Administrator tried her hardest to remain level. "Central shit-canned Lightning In A Bottle. The project's scrapped."
"W-WHAT?!" The mouse bolted upright at the news, her eyes wide for a moment as the news hit her square in the face. "Oh shit, so that's why...!"
Poly gave the weakest shrug she was able. "I had a CQE call with Central, and Arcana and Logistics both said the risk was unacceptable. They don't see the benefit of the operation as being worth any amount of risk. Arcana in particular noted that 'the asset' was neither novel nor worth pursuing, especially in light of potential hostilities."
"That's RIDICULOUS!" Mekkie nearly spat, hands gesticulating wildly again as she spoke. "Her power is immense! Valuable! Even if there are others like her, having another asset of this kind on our side would be so, so good! Plus, like, this is the absolute BEST way to test the array!"
"I dunno what to say, Mekkie. They want to protect the array from unanticipated damage, according to them. They're more worried about breaking it than testing its limits. I think you know I'm on the same page with you on this, though. I think it's utter crap. But despite anything I said they've told us the project is a no-go. Who knows when it'll get a second chance."
"Bullshit. BULLSHIT!" The mouse huffed as she leaned her head against Poly's shoulder. "They don't know what they're talking about."
Another long stretch of silence crept into the still night air. Poly didn't make so much as a move, remaining still as she could. There was something about Mekkie being this close to her. Something that made her feel like, even amid everything...
"When they told me they were shutting down the project, I... I don't know what happened, but there was a moment where I started to panic." Something was different about The Administrator's voice suddenly. Mekkie could hear the barest hints of a fracture in her normally resilient tone.
The vixen paused to swallow heavily.
"I just..." The vixen continued, "I suddenly felt it all being pulled away from me. I felt it slipping away from me, and I felt the isolation and uselessness rushing toward me. I felt like another horrible realization was suddenly breaking across my face in an instant."
Mekkie looked up with concern in her eyes. The mouse was normally a scatter-brained mess of specific hyper-focus, always carrying a kind of manic enthusiasm for her work and little else. It was rare that something outside of that work ever grabbed her attention. But here and now, she hung on Poly's every word.
"It was happening all over again," The Administrator continued, her voice thinning to become a near whisper. "Without the program, what do I bring to this organization? Who cares who I am, or what I do, if I don't contribute something important? Am I... am I hollow again?"
She shook her head, eyes widening as she continued, "Why am I out here. Here in the desert? Why did they send me out here? To keep me away from Central? Because they didn't want me there? Because I wasn't worthy? I'm... I'm right back in a wasteland. I look around and I may as well be on the moon. I'm... I'm alone and worthle--"
"Hey. Hey! Poly! Shh, stop!" Mekkie flung herself around the vixen, embracing her in a tight and desperate hug.
"B-But Mekkie, look around," Her voice was quivering, even as her eyes were visibly clouding with tears. "There's nothing out here! They sent me out here so they could get RID O-"
"No. No no no, girl you are letting your brain LIE to you!" The mouse squeezed even tighter now. "I promise you this is DEPRESSION talking! Central sent you out here because they believe in your ability to get this place up and running. And we're in the middle of the desert because my array needs a hell of a lot of space and privacy to do what we need to do! Do you think they sent me out here because they wanted to get rid of me? Do you think they send Dee out here to get rid of her?"
Poly paused for a moment, eyes flicking every which way as she processed the mouse's question. She was starting to shiver and shudder. Mekkie could feel the vixen's heart racing, feel her breathing becoming ragged and shallow.
The mouse knew where this was heading, and wanted nothing more than to help her friend.
"Poly. Poly, it's okay. I need you to breathe with me, okay? Deep breaths. One after the other. I'll do it with you, okay? In... One, two, three... Out, one, two, three... Let's do that a few times, together."
The mouse made a visible show of her lungs filling, making sure that she held the larger vixen as close as she was able with every breath. Her friend was starting to panic, and she could see the start of the anxiety attack before it had fully set in. Mekkie knew Poly didn't deserve this. She also knew it was hard to stop once the body decided to travel this path. But this could help.
Gradually, it did.
"And out again. Okay. That's a bit better. Sorry. I don't mean to condescend, Poly, I promise."
"No, no, it's..." Poly removed her glasses long enough to wipe her eyes dry. "It's okay."
"It is. You'll be okay, I promise. Look," Mekkie released the vixen slowly from her hug, but remained close as she could while seated next to her. "It's rough out here, you know? We're all spending most of our time underground. And what time we get up above isn't exactly stupendous or glamorous. We're not exactly helping out at Central, and we're not exactly running ops in the field. But this isn't punishment, Poly. You, me, and Dee? We're out here to make some great stuff happen in our own way! So don't let your brain lie to you about why we're here or what we're doing."
"Beyond that, though," the mouse continued, her own voice feeling much more firm and measured than her usual energetic self. "Beyond that, being a part of all this isn't transactional, okay? Your being a part of things, your being a part of this organization, doesn't hinge on your accomplishments or your contributions. There aren't any dues to pay. There aren't any qualifications or tests or performance evaluations you have to pass, alright? I think your worries about that might be trauma from your old life still lingering, some deep scar tissue they left on your soul and your mind. Fuck `em for that, no question. I tell you that just so you can look directly at it and understand what it is. And regardless, please always know that we're here for you no matter what."
"And me, and Dee?" Mekkie smiled genuinely as she bumped her shoulder against Poly playfully. "Well, you're not getting rid of us so easily, you know? We're always going to accept you and love you no matter what you're going through. So you're never going to be alone or isolated. That is, if you want us around."
The vixen let out yet another sigh. However, unlike the previous, burdensome expressions, this time it was more a sound of catharsis and cleansing.
"Of course I do. Always will."
"Thank you, Mekkie." Poly closed her eyes as she leaned her cheek against the top of the mouse's head. "Crimany, I don't deserve you OR Dee."
"Hey hey, none of that. You do, and that's that. We like having you here, Poly. We like you a whole lot."
Silence once again flooded into the desert night, though this time Poly felt it somehow more reassuring than threatening. Mekkie's warmth and closeness made the stillness of midnight welcome, and calming.
"So, uh..." The vixen sniffled slightly as she cast a sidelong gaze toward the mouse. "Dee thinks we should do it anyway. Lightning In A Bottle, I mean."
Mekkie looked up at The Administrator with the undertones of a wicked grin just beneath her lips.
"Well, of COURSE we do it anyway."
It was so different here. So easy to throw her head back and see a flowing, rich tapestry of stars stretching overhead. She was used to the city lights damping them all out. Maybe, as she drove toward the city limits, she'd catch a glimpse of more than nothing. She'd see a handful or so twinkling lights in the sky, hanging low on the horizon. But those occasions were rare and fleeting.
She'd never seen the stars thriving like this.
She'd never seen darkness like this.
Polymayhem let out another semi-shuddered breath, chilly white vapor coursing over her lips and becoming visible for another fleeting second. The desert was so much hotter than she expected. And also, so much fucking COLDER at night. And so much darker. And so much more god damned EMPTY.
"FUCK!" She shouted, unrestrained. Her voice seemed to flee into the darkness, withering to die amid the endless sand. No echo, no bounce from a nearby brick wall. The quiet of the sandy abyss devoured her shout, smothering it before it could reach the ear of anyone else.
The Administrator threw back her head as she took another ill-advised swig from her over-sized energy drink. She was unabashed as she let out a heady sigh, the undertones of misery apparent. Her legs danged over the edge of the concrete slab upon which she sat, high atop the only structure visible for kilometers.
Of course, the main entrance to the subterranean facility was nearly five kilometers southwest of where she sat. The standard transport elevator into the site was housed within an unassuming strip mall, hidden between the fast food restaurants and the rest stops. The surface-level front doubled as a place the henches liked to unwind on occasion. But even in the midst of the wasteland, Poly found that area too busy for her liking. Or at least, it was busy in a way she didn't care for.
Instead, she was here. On top of an unassuming, if massive, concrete box with a gigantic rolling metallic security shutter. At each of the four corners of the building, a single lamp post spewed its futile illumination into the darkness.
There was nothing else here.
It was quiet, at least. Overwhelmingly.
The sting of the midnight air bit at her cheeks again, causing her to shudder. It was uncomfortable for a moment, but not nearly as distressing to her as the memory of what had just happened in the CQE chamber just hours prior.
"FUCK!" The desert one again ate her words. It seemed to have an endless appetite this evening.
The arctic fox leaned forward, resting elbows on her knees as she held the half-filled can of noxious caffeine slurry with both hands. She couldn't stop miring in misery, it seemed. She had planned so thoroughly, so intently, on this program being the endeavor that would finally allow her to prove her worth. To show that she was capable of actually contributing to the organization. To demonstrate that she BEL-
{clang}
Her ears perked suddenly as a distant sound faintly punctured the inky black silence of the desert. In an instant she was sitting upright, small frame rigid as she strained to listen intently.
Slowly it dawned on her: It was the sound of heavy, weighty metal on metal. It was somewhere far off, but drawing closer. She'd recognize it anywhere. As it grew louder and loomed nearer, she was only more confident in her assessment. Was it a raid? Tanks didn't sound like that. And there weren't any pavement or dirt roads nearby that standard law enforcement might use. Perhaps it was a PMC equipped with attack exosuits?
"Wait. No..." She muttered, eyes narrowing as she realized that the massive structure beneath her was shaking with every nearing CLANG!
As if on queue, the thick, metallic security shudder on the front face of the concrete building began to roll upward rapidly. Polymayhem pulled her feet out of the way, scooting back from the edge as the entrance to their hidden mech deployment bay opened wide. In mere seconds the shutter was gone, exposing the interior of the structure as light poured out of the open bay and into the desert.
{CLANG!} {BLANG!} {CLANG!} {BLANG!}
The Administrator cast her gaze downward in time to see a dizzying, noisy blur burst out of the mech bay, a streak that bolted out into the wasteland ahead. With footfalls pounding massive divots in the sand, sending a spray of grit in its wake, a towering bipedal mech suit dashed unceremoniously into the wide desert ahead. The Administrator noted it was roughly three meters tall, boasted fully articulated limbs, and had an obsidian black exterior covered with glowing runes that simmered with unearthly purple light.
"Goddamnit, Mekkie," She muttered quietly under her breath as she recognized the machine.
The gigantic metallic suit came to a sudden halt after clearing the threshold of the mech bay shutter. As the din of the mechanical running melted into the greedy maw of the silent desert, The Administrator became suddenly aware of an uncomfortable, almost ear-piercing, high-pitched noise droning through the chilly midnight air. Simultaneously, she noted that the mech suit was carrying a sizable metal container, held under the machine's left arm. It was hard to make out the specific details of the object, but Poly was able to see several cracks in the exterior... cracks that pulsed and throbbed with an otherworldly purple glow. The unsettling light appeared to be breaking through the surface from beneath, as if forcing its way through the metal exterior.
Without a moment of delay, the suit immediately grasped the container with both mechanized hands, lifted the metallic cask over its head, and then hurled it with unparalleled force into the night sky.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!" An unhinged and panicked voice broadcast over a loudspeaker from within the suit.
Poly stood to her feet atop the mech bay as she watched the trail of purple light streak across the sea of stars. The glowing trail in the wake of the canister seemed to dwindle into the distance, cresting to an apex amid the inky dark of midnight, then plummeting toward the horizon. The purple glow vanished somewhere amid the sand, far beyond the reach of the meager light surrounding the bay door, disappearing from view without so much as a sound.
{PSSSHHHHH!}
The pressurized hiss of the mech suit cockpit door raising caught The Administrator's attention. Her eyes darted down toward the bipedal metallic monstrosity in time to see the canopy raising - and a diminutive figure scurry out from within. A short, stocky mouse, clad in her own lab coat and thick, rounded pink glasses, clamored onto one of the mech suit's raised arms. She ascended to the top of the mech itself via the raise limb, hurriedly pulling herself up to stand upon the top of the suit, which now stood motionless, canopy open, devoid of a pilot.
Mechaotic hadn't noticed The Administrator at all. Instead, once she reached the surface of the canopy she seemed to hold as still as possible. She appeared as if she were holding her breath, as if she were listening intently. In fact, the mouse appeared to lean forward with anticipation, so much so that The Administrator feared she might slip off the top of the suit entirely.
The Administrator let out a silent sigh. Mekkie's antics were anything but unfamiliar to her, and in this moment in particular, it was the last thing she needed. But nevertheless, as The Administrator it was still her respo-
[ka-THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!]
A purple flash of blinding light burst forth from the void of midnight, accompanied by an ear-shattering, reverberating explosion that felt for all the world as if it were shaking Poly's very soul. The entire desert was suddenly alight, dunes and vegetation in every direction bathed in monochromatic purple that beat the darkness back for kilometers. A fantastic pillar of crackling, chaotic energy leapt from the sands below, reaching skyward toward the sea of stars above with staggering alacrity. Then, just as suddenly as it had erupted, the pillar collapsed in on itself, folding inward along axes the Administrator's mind could not comprehend. Light did not simply diminish, it did not merely fade. Rather, all illumination rushed toward some point on the horizon, as if suctioned away from reality, as if some extra-dimensional presence had pinched reality itself and yanked in a direction that Poly could not see. Even the light posts around the mech bay leaked ethereally and incoherently, their buzzing glow melting and stretching toward the horizon. As the tattered and frayed ribbons of visibility twisted around themselves, every trace of any glow vanished into that singularity.
The Administrator noted that everything was now suddenly very, very dark.
Not dark in a way that the desert had known previously. This was not simply the absence of light. It felt, for all the world, as if her mind simply could not process her surroundings. As if this lack of vision was her brain shrugging, and giving up, rather than attempting to grapple with whatever it was in front of her. Then, without warning, as a rubber band snapping back into shape, the world sprung violently to normalcy. Existence returned to her eyes with a stretching, wobbling shudder that made her instantly, but temporarily, nauseous. After a few slender moments of unsettling shifting and jiggling, reality returned to its previous state.
There, in the distance, and quite faintly, Poly noted the dimmest purple glimmer of shadow rising from the desert floor. A pillar of shade against darkness, a hardly perceptible outline, speckled with twinkling purple specks that rolled upward into itself amid the inky backdrop.
A rising mushroom cloud, made of darkness and glitter, slowly curling upward under cover of night.
It was about that time that a howling wind broke against her cheeks. The Administrator and Mechaotic both raised their arms against the sudden spray of sand that the previously unseen shock wave carried directly into their faces. The air whipped past them intensely, howling with the sound of eerie, otherworldly whispers and groans. The harsh gale spoke incoherently, and yet communicated a message of horror and grief directly into their minds. The startling sensation was nearly overwhelming, yet brief. Gradually the sound, and the wind itself, died down to nothingness.
Within moments, all was once again calm. The desert had, in its infinite hunger, devoured both the sights and sounds. It left nothing but the thick darkness of the midnight sky.
"Wooooo hoo hoo hoo!" The mouse cackled energetically, "Holy WOW!"
"WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK, MEKKIE?!"
The mouse leapt in surprise, grasping into the raised arm of the mechsuit with a squeal as she did so. After a beat of shock, she scrambled around the arm as it lifted higher and spread the palm of its hand flat. Mekkie hauled herself onto the raised palm, adjusting her rounded glasses as she looked toward the vixen.
"Oh! Miss Administrator! I didn't know you were out h-"
"You wanna tell me what that was all about?!"
"Aaahhhh," Mekkie seemed to stall, unable to hide a massive grin on her face. "We sorta had a bit of an emergency in the development lab."
The mouse suddenly became extremely animated. Eyes wide, eyes twinkling, her gesticulations were easily twice her diminutive size. All traces of embarrassment or shame were entirely absent from her enthusiastic voice as she began an eager explanation.
"See, we had pulled one of the spare containment cells for the Queen of Cups out of storage so that we could pack some more stuff into the space. So I figured, as long as it's out, we might as well put it through some of the paces, right? I've been wanting to really stress test how much the individual cells can tolerate in the event of an arcane surge or an overcharge! It's important information! So I grabbed the cell, then started up a blood ritual."
The mouse adjusted the glasses on her face, "You know, like ya' do."
"ANYway," Mekkie continued, "I thiiiiink I might've punched a little too far above my weight class? Because the summoning was successful, and we had the channeling and containment set up REALLY tight to pipe right into the feeder. So all that energy went WHAM! right into the spare array cell. Aaaaand then it started like... bulging and jumping. So it was pretty clear that it was going to breach from an overload."
Mekkie gave the barest hint of a proud smile as she pointed down at the mech beneath her, "Luckily I was able to deploy my suit, grab the cell, and just haul ass through the complex. We, uh... We might have a few kinda deep footprints to buff out of the floors? But I made it out in time, and threw the cell clear! And then... Well..."
The mech suit slowly took a few steps backward toward the mech bay entrance, even without a pilot in its cockpit. A brief moment later, the mouse leapt from the palm of the machine, and onto the concrete structure beside the arctic fox.
"You kinda saw what happened next," Mekkie gave a shrug.
"Fucking FUCK, another mess I have to clean up," The Administrator grumbled, exasperated. "Mekkie, were you TRYING to get us flagged?? We've been underground, silent, and out of sight for MONTHS out here. You basically just sent up a signal flare so huge I'm pretty sure every government on the planet could see it from SPACE!"
"Oh, pfffft," Mekkie blew a raspberry flippantly, accompanying the noise with a dismissive wave of her hand. "We just push that it was one of those expensive music festivals, or spiritual retreats, or whatever the fuckin' rich boys and girls are doing out here to get away from mommy and daddy. If we get real hard up, it's not difficult to spin this as being some kinda unethical bullshit from a megacorp."
The Administrator looked down toward the mouse with narrowed eye and hands on hips. Eventually, she put a hand to the bridge of her nose beneath her glasses, closing her eyes to let out a massive sigh. Poly took a few deep breaths, shook her head slowly, and then slipped down atop the mech bay. She slumped forward as she resumed sitting upon the edge of the structure, her legs dangling over the concrete lip.
"Whatever," the vixen muttered, her hand once again finding the half-filled energy drink can.
Mekkie paused for a moment, paws together as she watched The Administrator relent. She wasn't used to this out of the fox at all. She expected more of a debate, more push back. The mouse scurried quickly to the edge of the mech bay roof, plopping herself down on the cement beside the deflated Administrator.
"Trust me," Mekkie stated with confidence, "this will all blow over, easy! It was an ethereal exothermic release, so there's no chance of a crater or anything. Just a lot of evaporated arcane energy that might make someone feel spooked out if they stand in the epicenter too long. Believe me, if anyone's actually talking about it come tomorrow, it'll be the cranks on the early morning AM radio stations, nothing more."
The Administrator took a long, long pull from her beverage. As she slowly lowered the can to her lap, she gave a disaffected, listless shrug.
"Like I said, whatever. At this point it hardly matters."
Mekkie adjusted her gigantic pink glasses for a moment. It only took a second to confirm that The Administrator was off network and not plugged in.
That wasn't good.
"Uh, Miss Administrator? Are... Are you okay?"
In response to the question the vixen arched an eyebrow amid her barely-readable frown. It spoke all the answer Mekkie needed.
"How long have we known each other, Mekkie?"
"Gosh. Uh, that's a tough one, Miss Administrator." Mekkie put a hand to her chin as she gazed down at the ground below, deep in thought, feet slowly kicking back and forth through the air as she ruminated. "Well, I guess about as long as I've been with the organization. I still remember you getting up in arms every time I popped up in your lab!"
The vixen let out a little grunt of a smile, unable to disguise the crack of amusement creeping in at the corners of her mouth. "You kept showing up trying to learn more about VoidSlick, and I kept wondering where the hell you came from. Every time they tossed you out, you were back in minutes. Then before I knew it, you were outfitted and networked, and we were eating lunch and trading notes."
"I guess it has been a while, huh?"
"Sure has," the vixen muttered as she ran her thumbs over the surface of the metal can thoughtfully. "Years probably. So, you know," The vixen bumped her shoulder up against the mouse gently, "Knock it off with the 'Miss Administrator' stuff, huh? I don't always call you 'Chief Engineer'. You can call me Poly."
Mekkie smiled in reply, letting out a soft giggle. "I mean, if you'd like that, sure thing Miss Poly." The mouse grinned up at he vixen, fully expecting the expression of exasperation that Poly performatively delivered in response. "I just wanted to respect your new title, yeah?"
"God, at this point, don't remind me, Mekkie," Poly seemed to stare downward, leaning forward over the edge slightly as her gaze drifted over the sands below. "Anyway, you can call me whatever you want, I guess."
Mekkie paused momentarily as she felt a wave of concern wash over her.
"Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right? Or if you don't want to talk to me, you can always talk to Dee?"
Poly let out another heavy sigh, nodding her head as she did. "I know. I know and I understand that. I've already cried my eyes out to Dee enough tonight, though. Girl needs some time without my trauma dumping."
"Well, I'm here now, if you've got more you need to let out," Mekkie offered gently, sliding up against Poly's side as she did.
Poly squeezed her hands around the metal can quietly. The denting metal made the faintest hollow noise, a metallic crumple that rose quickly and faded into the night. As vixen remained motionless and silent for several moments, Mekkie felt the sudden voracious hunger of the desert around her.
She didn't care much for it.
"Back when I was in academia," Poly's voice was softer than usual, but it still pushed through above the mute void of the wasteland. "Back before I joined up, back before I had a job. Hell, back before I even had my gender shit figured out... Back then I thought I had a pretty clear idea of success."
The vixen lifted her eyes to the horizon. Still leaning forward, elbows on her knees, hand around her energy drink as she gazed into the middle distance. "It was all laid out for you, you know? Do the research. Get the degree. Get the job. Then, life could begin."
"I didn't really question it much. I loved chemistry to the point that I was just happy to be in the lab, happy to have the chance to actually contribute to SOMEthing to better the field. So I put my heart into it. I put my whole self into it."
A small, scoffing burst of air curled from Poly's lips. "You know, I still remember back then. I remember one of my favorite professors looking directly at the class and saying 'If you're not prepared to live your chemistry, I suggest you go find something else to live'. That stuck with me. A little too much, maybe. As I went through grad school, it did become my life. I thought that was the way it had to be. I thought that's the way it was, and I thought that so much that I didn't really question the long hours, or the endless work, or the fucking abuse. I didn't question the lack of ANYTHING else in my life, every single day."
"The lack of anything in..."
The vixen shook her head slowly, stopping her words as if she suddenly thought better than to continue. Her voice rose slightly, but softly. "Eventually I did get that degree. They called me doctor, and I felt accomplished for it. But as soon as I set foot in my postdoc, suddenly it just felt... worthless, somehow. As if I hadn't made any difference, and was back where I started. As if I still had to do more and more just to prove myself, and nothing I had done was enough."
"After a while I finally got that job. That job they promised me was the mark of success, the real sign that I had 'made' it. But even then, once the novelty of that position wore off it felt somehow... hollow."
"At a certain point it dawned on me. I thought I was filling my days and my life with chemistry. But I was filling my days and my life with THEIR chemistry. What my professor wanted. What my boss wanted. What the company shareholders wanted. There wasn't anything of me in there, save the labor and sweat required to make those demands reality. It felt like I wasn't contributing so much as I was being used."
"Yet still, they told me I had achieved success. Success. My bank account was pretty plush at the time, so who was I to refute what they said? They were paying me pretty fuckin' well, I will confess. All I had to do was... make the medicines they wanted. Make the pills they'd use to monetize illness."
Poly took yet another long, heavy, exaggerated pull from her over-sized energy drink. She kept her head back as she lowered the can to her lap, voice staccato and pointed. "And to do it, all I had to do was be. Exactly. The person. They wanted."
The Administrator lowered her head again, holding the emptied aluminum vessel with by the top with a claw grip, dangling the can over the edge of that twelve foot drop to the desert below.
"They said I had success. So why was it that I felt as if my efforts were falling into a void? Why did I feel like I wasn't doing anything significant, or noteworthy, or even worthy of sharing? Why did it feel like I was somehow alone, despite being surrounded by other people all the time? For all the time I spent in the lab, I might've well been on the surface of the moon. I never did anything outside of that lab except sleep, anyway."
"I didn't have friends. I had co-workers."
"And me? Myself? Internally? Sure, I was getting a paycheck. But that didn't really solve the fact that I was nothing more than the polite shell they wanted. Non-confrontational. Obedient. Inoffensive. Out of the way. And of course," A sneer twitched reflexively across her lips, her revulsion apparent as she spat, "Male."
"I found myself becoming insanely jealous of the people society told me were beneath me. People who were struggling to make ends meet. People who were outcasts and rejects, supposedly. But for all I was told that these people were failures, I could sense a richness, a warmth, and a purpose within them that I hadn't felt elsewhere. Ever. Something within them that I utterly lacked. I was told to hate them for their suffering, and that because of that suffering, they were somehow lesser. Slowly I figured out the reality that such idiocy was, is, and remains bullshit."
Poly delicately set the can on the concrete beside her, hand still atop it as she continued to speak.
"And then, eventually, I looked at myself. I looked inward. And I realized what it was that I had inside of me."
With a forceful push, the vixen smashed the aluminum can flat, filling the air with the crackling din of crumpling metal.
"Absolutely nothing."
She picked up the crushed can, and slowly turned the ugly medallion between her fingers end over end.
"There was nothing there. I was a husk. A hollowed out shell of a creature. I had been trying to stuff that hole with 'Success', never stopping for a moment to ask, 'What is Success?' or more accurately 'Who's definition of Success is this?'. So, there was just... nothing there. I was empty."
"That... I think that realization broke me."
"But then, what would you expect? A hollow shell has no strength. It breaks easily."
Poly suddenly turned to look Mekkie directly in the eye. In that moment the mouse could see intensity and grief, even through the tinted, pink lenses. "But from the pieces, I made something better. Something more whole. Something me. That's worth something, I guess."
Mekkie had been quiet as she could, making space enough for Poly as the vixen poured her heart out. She leaned her shoulder against Poly's for a moment, before offering a simple question, "So the past is hanging over you? I mean, it sounds like you made it out. You're here with us now! And so much more yourself, after all."
Poly breathed deeply, before pushing the air from her lungs in a slow, controlled manner.
"Mekkie," The Administrator tried her hardest to remain level. "Central shit-canned Lightning In A Bottle. The project's scrapped."
"W-WHAT?!" The mouse bolted upright at the news, her eyes wide for a moment as the news hit her square in the face. "Oh shit, so that's why...!"
Poly gave the weakest shrug she was able. "I had a CQE call with Central, and Arcana and Logistics both said the risk was unacceptable. They don't see the benefit of the operation as being worth any amount of risk. Arcana in particular noted that 'the asset' was neither novel nor worth pursuing, especially in light of potential hostilities."
"That's RIDICULOUS!" Mekkie nearly spat, hands gesticulating wildly again as she spoke. "Her power is immense! Valuable! Even if there are others like her, having another asset of this kind on our side would be so, so good! Plus, like, this is the absolute BEST way to test the array!"
"I dunno what to say, Mekkie. They want to protect the array from unanticipated damage, according to them. They're more worried about breaking it than testing its limits. I think you know I'm on the same page with you on this, though. I think it's utter crap. But despite anything I said they've told us the project is a no-go. Who knows when it'll get a second chance."
"Bullshit. BULLSHIT!" The mouse huffed as she leaned her head against Poly's shoulder. "They don't know what they're talking about."
Another long stretch of silence crept into the still night air. Poly didn't make so much as a move, remaining still as she could. There was something about Mekkie being this close to her. Something that made her feel like, even amid everything...
"When they told me they were shutting down the project, I... I don't know what happened, but there was a moment where I started to panic." Something was different about The Administrator's voice suddenly. Mekkie could hear the barest hints of a fracture in her normally resilient tone.
The vixen paused to swallow heavily.
"I just..." The vixen continued, "I suddenly felt it all being pulled away from me. I felt it slipping away from me, and I felt the isolation and uselessness rushing toward me. I felt like another horrible realization was suddenly breaking across my face in an instant."
Mekkie looked up with concern in her eyes. The mouse was normally a scatter-brained mess of specific hyper-focus, always carrying a kind of manic enthusiasm for her work and little else. It was rare that something outside of that work ever grabbed her attention. But here and now, she hung on Poly's every word.
"It was happening all over again," The Administrator continued, her voice thinning to become a near whisper. "Without the program, what do I bring to this organization? Who cares who I am, or what I do, if I don't contribute something important? Am I... am I hollow again?"
She shook her head, eyes widening as she continued, "Why am I out here. Here in the desert? Why did they send me out here? To keep me away from Central? Because they didn't want me there? Because I wasn't worthy? I'm... I'm right back in a wasteland. I look around and I may as well be on the moon. I'm... I'm alone and worthle--"
"Hey. Hey! Poly! Shh, stop!" Mekkie flung herself around the vixen, embracing her in a tight and desperate hug.
"B-But Mekkie, look around," Her voice was quivering, even as her eyes were visibly clouding with tears. "There's nothing out here! They sent me out here so they could get RID O-"
"No. No no no, girl you are letting your brain LIE to you!" The mouse squeezed even tighter now. "I promise you this is DEPRESSION talking! Central sent you out here because they believe in your ability to get this place up and running. And we're in the middle of the desert because my array needs a hell of a lot of space and privacy to do what we need to do! Do you think they sent me out here because they wanted to get rid of me? Do you think they send Dee out here to get rid of her?"
Poly paused for a moment, eyes flicking every which way as she processed the mouse's question. She was starting to shiver and shudder. Mekkie could feel the vixen's heart racing, feel her breathing becoming ragged and shallow.
The mouse knew where this was heading, and wanted nothing more than to help her friend.
"Poly. Poly, it's okay. I need you to breathe with me, okay? Deep breaths. One after the other. I'll do it with you, okay? In... One, two, three... Out, one, two, three... Let's do that a few times, together."
The mouse made a visible show of her lungs filling, making sure that she held the larger vixen as close as she was able with every breath. Her friend was starting to panic, and she could see the start of the anxiety attack before it had fully set in. Mekkie knew Poly didn't deserve this. She also knew it was hard to stop once the body decided to travel this path. But this could help.
Gradually, it did.
"And out again. Okay. That's a bit better. Sorry. I don't mean to condescend, Poly, I promise."
"No, no, it's..." Poly removed her glasses long enough to wipe her eyes dry. "It's okay."
"It is. You'll be okay, I promise. Look," Mekkie released the vixen slowly from her hug, but remained close as she could while seated next to her. "It's rough out here, you know? We're all spending most of our time underground. And what time we get up above isn't exactly stupendous or glamorous. We're not exactly helping out at Central, and we're not exactly running ops in the field. But this isn't punishment, Poly. You, me, and Dee? We're out here to make some great stuff happen in our own way! So don't let your brain lie to you about why we're here or what we're doing."
"Beyond that, though," the mouse continued, her own voice feeling much more firm and measured than her usual energetic self. "Beyond that, being a part of all this isn't transactional, okay? Your being a part of things, your being a part of this organization, doesn't hinge on your accomplishments or your contributions. There aren't any dues to pay. There aren't any qualifications or tests or performance evaluations you have to pass, alright? I think your worries about that might be trauma from your old life still lingering, some deep scar tissue they left on your soul and your mind. Fuck `em for that, no question. I tell you that just so you can look directly at it and understand what it is. And regardless, please always know that we're here for you no matter what."
"And me, and Dee?" Mekkie smiled genuinely as she bumped her shoulder against Poly playfully. "Well, you're not getting rid of us so easily, you know? We're always going to accept you and love you no matter what you're going through. So you're never going to be alone or isolated. That is, if you want us around."
The vixen let out yet another sigh. However, unlike the previous, burdensome expressions, this time it was more a sound of catharsis and cleansing.
"Of course I do. Always will."
"Thank you, Mekkie." Poly closed her eyes as she leaned her cheek against the top of the mouse's head. "Crimany, I don't deserve you OR Dee."
"Hey hey, none of that. You do, and that's that. We like having you here, Poly. We like you a whole lot."
Silence once again flooded into the desert night, though this time Poly felt it somehow more reassuring than threatening. Mekkie's warmth and closeness made the stillness of midnight welcome, and calming.
"So, uh..." The vixen sniffled slightly as she cast a sidelong gaze toward the mouse. "Dee thinks we should do it anyway. Lightning In A Bottle, I mean."
Mekkie looked up at The Administrator with the undertones of a wicked grin just beneath her lips.
"Well, of COURSE we do it anyway."
no subject
Date: 2025-12-30 09:19 am (UTC)I wonder if I ought to write a story set in the [redacted] universe. I do think it'd be fun to show the collision of what are essentially a couple of cults. n.n
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Date: 2025-12-31 05:27 am (UTC)One wonders if any of them truly know what they're getting into regardless! (Though that might just be me being conceited)
I would be deeply fascinated to see you write something of the sort, honestly. I feel like what I'm doing here (effectively an ill-advised, unauthorized, shoddy bootleg with the serial numbers VISIBLY filed off) is floundering and lacks impact*. A direct, decisive collision of such groups (and specifically involving your characters) would be a riveting delight.
(*Forgive me for getting too self-adsorbed on this. I do hope to be able to actually make something of the confrontation eventually. It just continues to elude me - and worry me. But this is all prattle on my part.)
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Date: 2026-01-01 09:45 pm (UTC)I've actually had previous thoughts of crossing over the two groups; I guess I wrote kind of a precis of what the story should involve, but that's as far as it went. I have a lot of unfinished projects!